[comstible]

My depression started about 1,5 years ago. I was feeling really bad because I had just "wasted" 2 years of my life smoking weed and doing absolutely nothing with my life. I decided to stop smoking which then made me go into what I think was clinical depression. I was in a constant "black hole" feeling hopeless and enjoying none of life's pleasures. I tried to seek professional help twice but never went through with it because I felt like I could get out on my own.

In order to do this I started exercising heavily and tried to be social and going to friends/family even when I just wanted to stay home and do nothing. I was completing all my courses in college while also working part-time jobs. Beforehand I figured that when I got my **** together (which I now do) I would stop feeling depressed and start being happy again but this was not the case. I did get out of what I describe as my "ultimate depression" stage in which I just felt like crap all day but I still have quite a lot of issues which I'll talk about below.

First, I go from feeling neutral/content to depressed a couple of times every day. I can sit at home and play a game or read a book and feel fine, and then 15 minutes later I feel this sudden wave of sadness washing over me. This can last anywhere from 30 minutes to 6 hours and then it usually clears up again and I feel neutral again. I have these intense moodswings (almost) every day. I don't think it's depression because it isn't constant but I don't know how to label it which is making me worried.

Second, whenever I go through a phase in which my depressed feelings seem to subside, my anxiety plays up. I have been diagnosed as having an anxiety disorder and I am currently seeking professional help and will be going through a program of about 15 therapy sessions concerning my anxiety.

The depression seems to put anxiety on the background and the other way around: when I'm feeling anxious it consumes me and I feel less depressed. The guy I'm seeing for my issues thinks that if I learn to control my anxiety and be more "mindfull" and "positive" then my depressed feelings will also clear up but I'm not sure if it's even depression and I don't know if the anxiety is causing the depression or the other way around. Or maybe they have nothing to do with eachother... I don't know.

Thanks for reading this long story and if there's any advice you can give me about what the hell is going on with me and how I can get out of it please let me know. Also when I start feeling depressed, what's a good strategy to get out of it as soon as possible? I usually feel like my thoughts are quite negative (thinking it's never going to get better and I'll never be truelly happy etc.) and I don't know how to control them.

[kaliope]

hi comstible
depression and anxiety often go hand in hand. it can be the chicken and the egg. it sounds like you have worked hard to overcome your challenges yet are still having problems. this makes me wonder if it is not more of a chemical imbalance than something situational. you can change your lifestyle and your thoughts all you want in a positive manner, but if the chemicals in your brain aren't working right, then you are still going to be depressed. have you considered antidepressants? just a thought. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[comstible]

Originally Posted by kaliope

hi comstible
depression and anxiety often go hand in hand. it can be the chicken and the egg. it sounds like you have worked hard to overcome your challenges yet are still having problems. this makes me wonder if it is not more of a chemical imbalance than something situational. you can change your lifestyle and your thoughts all you want in a positive manner, but if the chemicals in your brain aren't working right, then you are still going to be depressed. have you considered antidepressants? just a thought. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Thanks for your reply. I have considered antidepressants for sure. As I said I'm in therapy (had 2 "intake" sessions) and my next meeting will be more serious and I'll talk to my therapist about medication.

I am trying to be more positive and I'm making positive lifestyle changes but it's hard to remain positive in my head because I'm trying so hard to change and I still feel bad almost all the time which is really discouraging.

[vital]

Originally Posted by comstible

Thanks for your reply. I have considered antidepressants for sure. As I said I'm in therapy (had 2 "intake" sessions) and my next meeting will be more serious and I'll talk to my therapist about medication.

I am trying to be more positive and I'm making positive lifestyle changes but it's hard to remain positive in my head because I'm trying so hard to change and I still feel bad almost all the time which is really discouraging.

Hi comstible,

For what it's worth, I really respect what your therapist is telling you. Mindfulness is closely related to what really helped me and there are multiple people here who got great success just from meditation. However, they all say that you have to stick with it a while (1-2 weeks they say) before you start to see the true benefits.

Here is something that you might want to try. It's really worked for me and for others too

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

you might also want to see #45 in that thread with purely medical issues to check. There are a surprising number medical/nutritional issues that can cause depression.

- vital