[Samanthagreene]

Probably no trigger, but better safe than sorry.

There's a kid in school that I know pretty well and I feel like he might be clinically depressed. He just seems to be spiraling downwards, bad relationship with parents, struggling academically, and just way more irritable nowadays (which is sometimes how depression manifests in teens). I'm not sure how to approach him about it or if I should just stay supportive and not mention it. I don't want him to end up suicidal or si'ing or anything really bad, but I'm not sure if I should mention it, especially because he's a boy and kinda hostile nowadays.

Advice?
-Sam

[CANDC]

Sam, since you know this person well is there any communication between you?

I would just stay supportive and try to reach out but watch out if you get your hand nipped!

You say he is kinda hostile. That does not sound good.

Maybe if he starts to open up you could very carefully just listen and try to hear with an open heart. This is a tough situation.

But in the end you are not responsible for him. There are other people on PC that might benefit from your experience and sensitivity. Consider that as a possible outlet for compassion.

Hello Samanthagreene: Thanks for caring about this boy. It would be easier to just avoid him. My thinking with regard to this is, what you could do depends allot on your relationship with him. I assume you must have one since you're aware he's struggling. Are you friends... close friends or just casual friends? Have you known him a long time or is he a newer acquaintance?

My feeling is, if you haven't known him that long & / or your relationship with him is casual, your trying to talk with him about depression may come off badly. It may be interpreted as you butting in, being nosy, or perhaps even stirring up trouble. He might fear that the next thing that will happen is that whatever he says will end up on the internet. If I were in his shoes (& many years ago I sort-of was) I'd probably say something like: "Hey, butt out. You don't know anything about me. Leave me alone..."

On the other hand, if this is someone you've known for a while, & been friends with, then sure I think you could broach the subject with him. Just be gentle & don't push. If he rejects your overture outright, I think you just have to say to yourself: "Well, I tried." You cannot take responsibility for him or his problems. All you can do is create the opportunity for him to talk about what's going on. Beyond that, it's up to him. You may want to try to approach this discussion in a public place if you think there may be potential for him to be hostile. And certainly, however your effort works out, you can certainly continue to be quietly supportive to whatever extent is possible.

So essentially what I'm suggesting here is that, from my perspective, before any person has the right to try to enter another person's private space, so to speak, that person has to have earned that right as a result of past friendship. To be allowed into another person's personal space is a great privilege. We must all earn the right to that privilege. No matter how good your intentions may be, if you haven't already earned the right to enter this young man's personal space, then my perspective would be that you should not try & simply be quietly supportive.

[Altered Moment]

Hmmmm that is tough. I don't think I would come right out and say I think you are depressed. But find some way to reach out to him and offer help. Maybe look for little opportunities to build up trust and pry just a little. You might be that one person in his life that notices and cares. He may remember you forever for that. How do you do it with a rebellious boy who deep inside wants someone to help him. That's hard. I was that boy. I think sharing your own experience in little bits is a good way to build trust.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Samanthagreene

Probably no trigger, but better safe than sorry.

There's a kid in school that I know pretty well and I feel like he might be clinically depressed. He just seems to be spiraling downwards, bad relationship with parents, struggling academically, and just way more irritable nowadays (which is sometimes how depression manifests in teens). I'm not sure how to approach him about it or if I should just stay supportive and not mention it. I don't want him to end up suicidal or si'ing or anything really bad, but I'm not sure if I should mention it, especially because he's a boy and kinda hostile nowadays.

Advice?
-Sam

You know what, Sam? I think I'm in favor of you doing something. When I was a teenager, I was seriously depressed but I had no idea that I was seriously depressed. If some total stranger had walked up to me and said

"Excuse me, but you seem seriously depressed to me. Are you OK?"

just the fact that a total stranger could see it would have made me take it seriously.

I would do something in a way that only the kid gets the information to make sure there's no public humiliation involved. The worst that could happen is he gets angry at you, right? If you can deal with that, why not give it a try? You might even end up having a big effect on that young person's life.

- vital

[favoritefountain2]

I also agree that doing something is a good idea - but I wouldn't use the word "depressed" as that has a lot of negative connotations. I know when I was younger I thought of depressed people as having mental illness and mental illness is somehow bad and evil. Maybe something like:

"Excuse me [Insert Name], I've noticed that you might have something on your mind. I'm not asking you to tell me anything, and feel free to tell me to butt out, but if you ever need someone to talk too, I will listen. That's all."

So you avoid a lot of judgment, but you also invite them to MAKE the decision, instead of inserting yourself into the situation you provide yourself as a shelter from that situation. It's an invitation instead of an interrogation. If they say "No" or tell you off, just smile and say "I understand completely. If you change your mind, the offer is always open."

That's how I would do it.