[bass2187]

The past several months I've been having a really rough time. Sort of the perfect storm of friend issues and work issues that are still on going. I feel like I am probably depressed and I don't know if its the previously mentioned issues which may have done it to me or if it all started before and caused those issues.

I started seeing a therapist only recently, but I feel like there is a lot of damage in my wake that I had never intended.

I think maybe the thing that hurts the most are the friendships I have damaged(maybe permanently).

They say that I lash out and them and push them away, that I blame them for how I feel. However, I never really thought I did any of this. When I did hurt them, and tried to apologize it felt like while it was all happening, nothing I ever said was what they wanted to hear(for some reason I've hurt my women friends the most). They would say my apologies mean nothing and that I don't change. I don't even know how I've changed though! Now some of them don't even talk to me and have blocked me on their phones(I should also say that pretty much this all happened through texts). This all left me confused, frustrated, and hurt. Its gotten so bad now that I even get anxiety meeting up and having to talk with friends, especially if they are also friends with the people i have hurt.

Would telling the friends I have hurt that I think I am depressed come off as an excuse? They don't really talk to me anymore, and it hurts really bad. I just want forgiveness and for things to be how they were before. What I really want to do is send them a link to some of the websites I have been reading about depression. I feel like it may explain things better than I could.

The kristen mcclure Signs of Depression in Men are Different link seems like a good one to send for me.(You will have to google this link to find it since the forum won't let me post links without a few more posts)

I feel like this one hits a lot of things on the head for me. Most of the things on the checklist I have felt, and i feel like my friends would recognize some of it in me.

Like I said, I don't want this to come off badly. It seemed like when I tried opening up to them previously was when things got misinterpreted and then got really bad. Felt like when I did try to explain how I felt it always just backfired horribly, and I never got the reaction I had expected. I don't want to make that same mistake again.

Thanks
Mike

[Rohag]

Hello, Bass2187.

Originally Posted by bass2187

Would telling the friends I have hurt that I think I am depressed come off as an excuse?

Relationships are not my thing. Nevertheless, it is my observation the vast majority of people do not understand depression and are not motivated to investigate. Consequently, yes, I think you telling your friends you suspect you are depressed would come off as an excuse in the short run.

If after the passage of some time your friends were to learn from a third party you had formally been diagnosed with depression or other mood disorder, that might make an impression. Such a diagnosis, however, is not something to casually reveal.

[Fuzzybear]

[bass2187]

Is there anything i can do? I know for a fact today i was excluded from just hanging out with friends. Several months back, I would have been invited and welcomed. I would even make sure other friends who i thought may have been excluded, were invited, at least by me. It hurts so bad, especialy considering i know i was considering other friends but they don't seem to give a **** about me going through a similar thing now. I can't stop thinking about it, plus other things that bother me.