[Behindblueyes]

It's been 11 months since my last SI but I honestly feel so close to going back there. I miss the pain and I feel like it was the way I used to cope with stress and emotional despair. Now I use my music like Five Finger Death Punch and others but it's not the same release. My boyfriend knows about my SI in the past and knows I've been struggling, he's probably the main reason why I haven't cut again. If he found out he'd be crushed and hurt which would hurt me. Honestly without him, I probably would have started SI again.. I feel empty and numb. Like there's nothing to keep trying for and that it'd be much easier if I didn't have to have these problems..

[Fuzzybear]

[Frankbtl]

Hi Behindblueyes, first of all I've got to say really well done on the 11 months SI free!!!! That is a massive achievement!!!! KUDOS!!!!
And although you're giving your boyfriend a lot of credit for it, don't forget YOU did it!!! YOU alone!!!! No-one can make you stop.
And the way you're feeling now........could you list for yourself some more of the coping strategies you've used to help you before??? And some you might have been using without even realising, so dig deep there. And then maybe go through them as much as you need to when it's hard, and I know it can be hard!!
And your boyfriend comes into it a lot, and absolutely use that/him if you need to, anything "positive" that's going to work if it's the "choice" (I know choice isn't at all a good word but........) between.............but I'd really like you to be able to feel better about yourself/for yourself too.............so if you could think of why you're so important/why you matter/your good qualities??
And there are going to be reasons/things..........honestly there are!!!!
Again, maybe dig deep??
So hopefully that's a little, along with.............. http://forums.psychcentral.com/self-...-yourself.html
But it does sound like there is still some stress/emotional despair going on there??? If so, can you think of any ways to ease that just a little, or even someone who might be able to support you with that????
Although I'm/we're here if you want to talk a bit more about it...............please don't hesitate if you need/want to talk.
And again so well done on the 11 months!!! Sometimes it's as much about just doing all you can........or one day at a time...........everyday counts regardless!!!

Alison