[Leisel]

I know how I got here. A life time full of abuse and pain. What I don't understand is how to get out. Therapy does not work for me. It never makes me feel better, I usually end up feeling stupid for letting someone in. I am failing college, which my family is paying a small fortune for. i have been depressed i think since i was at least 12. I feel worthless. My dad is betting on me failing in school and just waiting to rub it in my face. when I am alone at night I don't sleep, it is 6 in the morning and I havn't gone to sleep yet. I am in a relationship with the only person who has ever truly known me or loved me and I am ruining his life by clinging on so hard that he has barely anything left but me. I don't know what to do or how to cope. I am a student and I don't have the money for a psychiatrist right now. I am running out of ways to handle my depression.

[sickntired]

Leisel I am sorry to hear how bad you are feeling right now.
Are you on any medication,I find it really helps me.Is there anyone who you can talk to about how you are feeling?If you dont feel that there is keep posting here,there are alot of people who care and offer their support on this site.

[bipolar_bear]

Welcome to PC Leisel. I am sorry that school is not going well and that you have struggled so long. Many schools have onsite counselors that help students. Maby you can check that option out. Please take care. You have come to a very supportive place and that can help too.

[Jkeyz]

Leisel, I'm sorry that things are not going very well for you. I understand how therapy can make you feel worse by "letting someone else in". I've been there and done that. I haven't been to therapy in many years, but am going back this week because I just need someone to talk to. But it's different talking to a therapist and talking to us here at PC. Most of us have probably been in your shoes and can relate where the therapist can't. I agree with the previous 2 posts.....it sounds like you need to be on medication and I would still check to see if the school has a psychiatrist or counselor. A very good friend of mine is in college and they have a psychiatrist at the campus. One of the things that has really helped me too is getting involved in the chat room here at PC. Why don't you give it a try if you haven't already. I hope you are feeling better soon. I'm 43 and have been depressed since as far back as the 4th grade in elementary. So I don't know what' it's like to live a day without being depressed. Feel free to PM me anytime you need to talk. I'm a good listener!!!

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to PC Leisel. I'm sorry things are so bad.... please keep posting coz you'll find lots of good support and help here on the boards and also in the chatroom here

[hopful2]

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I have suffered from depression since I was about 13, I am now 44. I can definitely relate to how you feel. I hope you feel better soon.