[RunAway13]

I am 20 years old and have struggled with depression for a good chunk of my life. Lately, it has been terrible.

My family constantly makes comments about me ranging from my weight to my character, saying I have no friends, comparing me to my brother who surpasses me in all aspects, etc. It puts me down more than I already am. The boy I've been dating for about a year finally cannot take it anymore and has offered me a place to stay when we are not away at school. We have figured it out financially that if he came and got me, leaving my car, phone, things that my mother pays for, I could do it easily.

My mother has controlled me my entire life even when I'm away and now there seems to be an out. Should I take it? My boyfriend and his family are willing to take me in so I have a place to stay and financial help when needed. They make me feel loved more so than I am at "home".

Do I go? How do I go about hurting my grandparents (one of which who is sick) and others who love me by just leaving? If not, what do I do since my mother will not rationally talk to me?

[jelly-bean]

What you are thinking about doing is a very big step and you really need to think things through. I know you want out of your mother's home but what is going to happen if you and your boyfriend break up? How much financial support are his parents willing to give you and for how long? Are any family members willing and able to take you in instead of your boyfriend's family. There are so many things to consider so I hope you will be very careful and I wish you well!

Hello RunAway13: I think you received some great advice from jelly-bean. It sounds to me as though getting away from your family may be a good thing for you. So I'm not saying don't do this. But do plan ahead. Have a plan for what you will do should you & your boyfriend break up, or should his family decide later on they cannot continue to host you. You never know when an illness or accident, or some such thing, could change things dramatically. Likewise, although living with your bf's family seems like a good idea now, it's possible, once you get there, you could find otherwise.

As far as your grandparents & others are concerned, it's lovely of you to think of them in this situation. However, you can't live your life for them. If your family is constantly putting you down & making you feel inferior, this has to have an impact on your self-concept. It is not a healthy environment to be living in, even if you are away at school for part of the year. Just be sure that in trying to get away from your family, you don't put yourself into an even more precarious situation. My best wishes to you.

[VB1313]

It's a tricky situation not fully knowing the context. My opinion, and it may not fit the situation, is that the family you're born into is not something you can choose, and despite what most people say... it's often not the healthiest environment. People with good families and supportive parents often don't understand that some people just aren't that lucky... and will tend to say rather judgmental things about you not getting on with your parents or relatives.

Just you have to do what's best for you. One thing I've found in my life is the family I chose is better than the family I was born into. Friends, real friends, they choose you and you choose them. They care about you, they want what's best for you, and they like you for a reason, you know, so there's got to be something good about you.

Your real family? Well I don't know your situation, but my family only cared about me when I was something worth bragging about. The moment the depression made it hard for me to keep up my grades and my sports... they stopped caring about me. You heard of fair weather friends? Imagine fair weather parents. Maybe you don't have to imagine...

Like I said, I don't know your situation, but you have to do what's best for you. If the negativity is holding you back, you need to get away from it. If they won't or can't understand that their criticism is hurting you instead of helping you... you need to get gone... but try first, really, try to talk to them if you can. I know that isn't always easy...

My father used to say: "You're better off with complete strangers than you are with your own family..." He didn't ever have much to do with his, as you can imagine...