Blithering

I, as a I blathered on before, have no job prospects beyond one month from now and the energy needed to present one's self in the best light isn't there

My first instinct is to just dismiss it as I am slacking but I literally (and I know what that word actually means) cannot do it. I look at job ads and all I can think of is how much these people would laugh at me behind my back if I applied

I need a job to get a new apartment (lease is up and I have to be out end March) and I need an apartment to get a job (homeless people have poor records for office jobs)

I look back on my life and, frankly, I want a do over but then I realize I would just pooch it again. Maybe differently, maybe not

I seriously consider a life of crime but I am not skilled in chemistry, I am not street savvy, I am not even particularly mean

I am hard pressed not to begin purging (throwing out) all me personal possessions so, when I get displaced, it is easier to walk away. (Maybe if I can get it down to a single shoulder bag, the music from the end of The Hulk TV series will play as a I walk away)

I have two mottoes in my life

1. No illusions
2. Always follow rule 3 of the military: If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid. And if it is brilliant but it fails, it's not brilliant; it's a failure

I reached out to a friend late last year to deal with a depression spike and what I got was "suck it up, princess"

What's my point? I don't know. All I know is I am screwed, stuck in a rut, out of options and scared. When I had no hope, I was never afraid. I have had the merest glimmers of hope and it made me dream it could get better. I know how Charly in Flowers for Algernon feels as his brains begin to slip away.

Can you apply for disability insurance?

Sent from my LG volt using Tapatalk

(((JohnCrow)))

Firstly, thank you for your eloquence. Some of your words could be narrations to my own life. I am so sorry about the job/apt/job/apt circle of despair that is your world at the moment. Can you file for disability? I am working but if I worked anywhere other than where I do, I would be fired for being so nonproductive. Anyway, I don't have any grand words to help other than I empathize and hope a path becomes clear for you.