[lenjan]

Somebody asked me how i was feeling and I had to think about it. What I finally came up with was "blah." I had a med tweak starting Tuesday and (I think coincidentally) have been physically sick as a dog. Emotionally, though, I've just realized I feel absolutely nothing.

I've been thinking some dark thoughts lately, so maybe this is good? -- but I'd prefer a way to know I'm still me in there somewhere! Right now I have neither the energy nor the thought compelling me to pick up a blade -- I don't feel anything good, bad or otherwise. I'm looking at pill bottles as enemies instead of possible solutions -- but not so much because the meds have magically worked -- more that I just don't really give a crap. At all. About anything. I'm just sleepwalking through the motions.

This really sucks. At least pain lets you know you're alive. I feel like Frankenstein's monster or something, controlled by someone else. I don't feel like I have control over my own life and thoughts right now. And I'd like to think this is NOT what the pharmaceutical companies are aiming for, but who knows?

Candy

im sorry
i wish i could do more

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Candy )))))))))))))))

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((((Candy)))))))))))))))

I'm sorry to hear that you've been so sick ... I can only imagine how much that adds to everything you've been feeling lately. I wish that i had something inspiring to tell you ... but just know that you are NOT a monster .. not even close. If there is anything that i can ever do just let me know ...

[Hopefull]

Testing. Yep, you're real and a live. I hope you can find a way to get past this feeling of numbness/death. I have read of this feeling and feel that it must be a horrible misery of its own kind. Hang in there and hope you feel better soon. I wish I had that magic wand that I fantasize about. I'd use it to make the feelings of "blah" go away.