[landslide89]

Last year, I hit the worst depression of my life. My life had become stagnant and I couldn't find a job. I really felt like I had nothing left and planned to end it all; I'd even written my note. The intervention of a friend stopped me and from that day on, things slowly got better. I found reasons to be genuinely happy and found a new resolve to improve my life.

I got, and subsequently lost a job last fall (after the aforementioned trouble) and now I feel myself slipping back into the bad feelings. I'm 25 and have done nothing with my life. All of my friends are college graduates and it seems like a new one gets engaged every day. Meaningless short-term jobs here and there, 2 years of community college (without the funds or grades to transfer to something better), and a 12-year-old car that barely runs are all I have to show for finally breaking free and moving out of my dad's house. My family is very small and very poor, so anything I do or want is entirely on me. I've actually resorted to lying to them about not currently having a job because I don't want them to worry.

I feel like nobody wants me. Nobody will take a chance on me. I'm so mediocre that even the soul-sucking retail and food jobs won't call me back. I feel like the people in my life are starting to lose hope and turn away, as I'm not worth the trouble. I'm just a burden. I'm defective.

I don't know what I've done wrong to earn this as my definitive place in the universe, but I'm terrified the ugly thoughts will come back and make me do something stupid.

[CANDC]

Landslide, welcome to Psych Central. Glad your friend intervened. You have valuable gifts that may take time to express. Don't give up on life no matter how bad things get. Even if you have to go back home and live with your parents, that would only be a stop along the way to a successful life. Being small and poor is not a negative things. Some caring people come from small or poor homes.

Sorry you lost your job. There are sometimes temporary agencies or unemployment insurance so you can pay bills when you are in transition.

You might find this forum helpful.
Steps to Better Self-Esteem - Forums at Psych Central

Work and Careers - Forums at Psych Central

Many people find supportive people here at Psych Central. Let us know what resources you are looking for.

[kaliope]

hi landslide
i am sorry that you are struggling so and life seems overwhelming. have you considered going back to school yourself to improve your chances in the job market, maybe get a certication? with no income, you should qualify for the pell grant and you wouldnt have to pay for anything. maybe even a couple classes a semester until you decide what you want to do. i went ten years to school before i got my degree. and didnt pay a cent. it was all grants and scholarships. and i got money back each semester cause there was more money there than school cost. it may not be too late to enroll in a community college now even thou classes are starting. it could boost your self esteem and give you purpose. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[Fuzzybear]