I need some input

So I'm a suicidal person I go from one day wanting to blow my brains out to the next day being perfectly fine.

I don't plan on doing it and sometimes I fell like the only reason I don't is because of my children. I don't want to leave them without a mother but then other times I feel like they would probably be better off without me.

I'm not very good at it. Being a parent or wife. I sit here and stare at my house and know all these things need to get done but don't do them.

I just can't seem to get my *** up and just be a damn parent, do the laundry, clean the dishes, clean the house.

Wtf am I suppose to do? Does anyone else have times like this? I get manic and clean everything then the next day I sit and do nothing and let it all fall to pieces again.

you sound like you may have bipolar disorder type 2. of course i'm not a doctor so can't diagnose you or anything but it may be worth visiting a psychiatric doc.

Yeah I have an appointment just want to feel like I'm not alone or some crazy lunatic I guess.

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I also thought bipolar because it runs in my family. But instead of anyone doing anything about it they all just sit there and make jokes about it.

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I do the same thing. I have plenty of time since I retired but I just can't make myself get up and do things. I waste time on the computer or watching TV when I should be cleaning or cooking, etc. I don't know what the answer is though. I'm diagnosed as Bipolar II. I mostly stay depressed with a few up days. So you are not alone by any means.