[Mountain Mike]

Today I had a "flashback" (for lack of a better term) of one time when I was having a bad day and my mother asked me what was wrong, and I refused to tell her. I don't even remember why I refused to tell her. This was about 1994 or 1995 or so and just today I remembered it and I cried for a few minutes over it. I told my mother today, and she doesn't even remember the incident, which actually made me feel worse, not better, because now it seems unresolvable. This very frequently happens. In a few months or a few days (there doesn't seem to be a pattern) I'll remember something else I did wrong many years ago and feel horrible about it.

In short, I hold grudges against myself.

[Rohag]

Hmmm... Triggering memories - ranging from mild to relatively significant - daily pop up in my mind. I hesitate to call them real flashbacks. Often I react by releasing a short but loud scream. The memories then generally sink again, probably thanks to my meds.

Your memories, however, don't recede quickly. They take hold of your mind and emotions for...hours?

Have you discussed this with any professional?

[vital]

Originally Posted by Mountain Mike

Today I had a "flashback" (for lack of a better term) of one time when I was having a bad day and my mother asked me what was wrong, and I refused to tell her. I don't even remember why I refused to tell her. This was about 1994 or 1995 or so and just today I remembered it and I cried for a few minutes over it. I told my mother today, and she doesn't even remember the incident, which actually made me feel worse, not better, because now it seems unresolvable. This very frequently happens. In a few months or a few days (there doesn't seem to be a pattern) I'll remember something else I did wrong many years ago and feel horrible about it.

In short, I hold grudges against myself.

Hi Mountain Mike,

I think I know the feeling. When I was young, I was depressed but I did not realize it. When you're like that and someone asks you "Why are you sad?" there is no answer that makes sense. Thinking of your incident is probably bringing you back to that day and to the feeling of deep sadness, isolation and helpless. Memories like that no longer upset me. It all gets better if you can find a way to un-depress yourself.

- vital