[BBB2]

I'm not napping anymore, no longer trying to sleep away all my free time. Instead I've gone back to spending time in my wide range of interests. I'm exercising and cleaning more.

At first I was happy. It felt like my brain was finally waking up after a long sleep.
However, being alert has highlighted two problems.

1) Being awake makes me feel much more miserable about my two part-time jobs. I want more time writing and reading, not doing some pointless, stressful job. Anxiety has increased.

2.) Nothing really makes me happy. My interests are pointless. What is the point in spending time on them? What is the point in anything?

I guess I have to choose between numbness and boredom or painful awareness and...I can't even form/end this stupid sentence

Sorry, I'm struggling to write coherently and spell and grammar..

[vital]

Originally Posted by BBB2

I'm not napping anymore, no longer trying to sleep away all my free time. Instead I've gone back to spending time in my wide range of interests. I'm exercising and cleaning more.

At first I was happy. It felt like my brain was finally waking up after a long sleep.
However, being alert has highlighted two problems.

1) Being awake makes me feel much more miserable about my two part-time jobs. I want more time writing and reading, not doing some pointless, stressful job. Anxiety has increased.

2.) Nothing really makes me happy. My interests are pointless. What is the point in spending time on them? What is the point in anything?

I guess I have to choose between numbness and boredom or painful awareness and...I can't even form/end this stupid sentence

Sorry, I'm struggling to write coherently and spell and grammar..

Hey BBB2,

That actually sounds like big progress to me already! I also really get the feeling that this might help you

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

(see "SNAP CLUB" described in the first few posts of the thread. See post #74 for what I think is the best overall plan).

- vital

[Frankbtl]

Hi BBB2, you know even if it hurts (and hugs: !!) it is good that you're getting better!!
Just keep trying to remember that this is a stage in recovery, this doesn't just have to be "as it is". And with what you've been going through it is likely to take time, but you're on your way!!
And your part time jobs............well maybe in time your "interest" in them is going to return/develop, but you know what............if it doesn't at least as you're getting better you might be able to gradually find more motivation and able to change that..........develop interests in other things, look into other jobs.
Just maybe try working on the anxiety as well as you're going along, hey?? You're already doing so well on the depression!!! And for the anxiety.........well lots of things you'll find online that could help and a great forum for that on here too.
As for interests seeming pointless..........well maybe that's still from the effects of the depression which you are overcoming. And with that as well perhaps sometimes problems with focusing or sticking with things??? If so though maybe try them for shorter periods???
And maybe time to try some different interests??? Maybe some more stimulating or some more relaxing things??? Your interests are likely to be a bit different if you're still a bit depressed, so maybe your old interests just don't suit you for now.
I know it's got to be a hard time in recovery for you now though, but just try to hang on in there at your own pace
You're already making great progress, don't forget that!!!

Alison

[Fuzzybear]