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  #1  
Old Feb 04, 2015, 03:27 AM
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afeelingd afeelingd is offline
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Location: los angeles
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Recently I question everything. Why am I here? Why do I go to school? Why haven't I gotten rid of myself yet? The answer is I'm living a lie I've created. I don't know how to escape. I've been pretending I'm outgoing and friendly and caring but I'm pessimistic, always angry, and extremely vendictive. I just started out here and I feel like maybe people here will understand me.

I've been living this lie since my life, innocence and happiness were taken ftom me by a man that molested me in an almost "this is normal way"

I can't even be myself around friends( I made them with my lie of a life) but would they understand why I had to lie. I can't let anyone in, how do I become more open like my fake self?
How do I participate in society without just creating more fake mes to distract people?

Last edited by darkpurplesecrets; Feb 04, 2015 at 09:03 AM. Reason: added trigger icon....
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  #2  
Old Feb 04, 2015, 10:50 AM
HopelessDepression HopelessDepression is offline
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I am going through a similar situation, minus having any friends. I used to have friends but now I am literally alone, with a family that lost interest in me and a therapist that lost complete respect. I was once a moral, caring individual but transformed into an extremely angry sociopath in my mid teens.

You're not alone. That saying got old, though, and it certainly does nothing to fix your problems. It does make you feel better, for like 10 minutes tops. Have you tried therapy or medication yet?
Thanks for this!
afeelingd
  #3  
Old Feb 04, 2015, 12:35 PM
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vital vital is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2014
Location: Boston
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Quote:
Originally Posted by afeelingd View Post
I can't even be myself around friends( I made them with my lie of a life) but would they understand why I had to lie. I can't let anyone in, how do I become more open like my fake self?
How do I participate in society without just creating more fake mes to distract people?
Hi afeelingd,

I was just watching a talk that's exactly dealing with the importance of becoming more open.

Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | Talk Video | TED.com

- vital
  #4  
Old Feb 04, 2015, 05:13 PM
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afeelingd afeelingd is offline
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Thank you!!

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  #5  
Old Feb 04, 2015, 05:51 PM
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Nammu Nammu is offline
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Feeling apart from everything is part of the trama responds to molestation. Do you have anyone you can talk to about what happened and how to deal with the feelings? If it's possible look for someone with a background in trama work. One thing to keep in mind, it's not your fault and these feeling are a normal result of what happened to you.
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Nammu
…Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …...
Desiderata Max Ehrmann



Thanks for this!
afeelingd
  #6  
Old Feb 04, 2015, 09:36 PM
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afeelingd afeelingd is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sidestepper View Post
Feeling apart from everything is part of the trama responds to molestation. Do you have anyone you can talk to about what happened and how to deal with the feelings? If it's possible look for someone with a background in trama work. One thing to keep in mind, it's not your fault and these feeling are a normal result of what happened to you.

I'm currently seeing a therapist that specializes in trauma work but I don't think I will ever feel right with myself.

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