[Stilicho]

Hello,

I'm a male, 23, I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia. I'm the eldest among 3 other siblings (3 sisters). I don't know what is my issue exactly, I've never been diagnosed with anything.
I had a troubling childhood, my parents were extremely religious and dogmatic, they were over protective, had their own expectations (plan) about me and about what I should be.
Both of them never had any real education, well, they went to school and everything but, besides that, they never bothered to educate themselves beyond that (my mother doesn't understand the internet), they had the Quran and the religious teachings, which they considered enough. At the same time they wanted us, the children to learn everything and be smart, go to school, get straight A's and eventually become an engineer or a doctor, so they could be proud and have some sense of achievement. They always tried to impose the religious teachings on us, despite the fact that we didn't like it or accept, but off course all the guilt and hell stories made us finally accept it. They considered the religion as a lifestyle, so we too had to live and think by its standards.
My mother is a sad lady, always angry, extremely religious, more than my father. She was also paranoid. Because all of this, me and my sisters never had a life outside the house, no real friends. Whenever we decided to do anything that go against what they believed in we were manipulated by guilt to not do it and comply.
I've never looked at my parents as parents or role models, never really liked them or loved them, I pitied my mother and resented my father.
My father was absent most of the time, he wasn't outside or anything but never cared to spend time with us or get to know us, really know us, I felt like he was embarrassed by us (he never said it, just what it looked like sometimes), but he always tried to provide everything, which I respect him for it, however, my parents, especially my mother, have this thing where they constantly reminded us about their favors and grace and that we should appreciate them and respect them, felt like they were trying to make us love em, "I did this and that for you, therefore you should love me!!".
I don't care about my parents or our relationship, but I still care about my sisters.
During my middle school years, I experienced the worst 4 years of my life, I had no friends in my new school (we used to move a lot between cities, my father works for the military) and the only people I used to hang out with were the same bullies who tormented me during that period. I'm not gonna go into details but it was terrible.

-----------------------------------------

Today, I study medicine, 2nd year, I'm failing, as I'm skipping every class, lecture, and exam, I don't know why, at first it was because of my embarrassment from my stomach noises but then I started to think maybe there is something else.
I stay home 95% of my time, never go out unless to buy food, weed, go to a friend's house or any necessities. I believe I have social anxiety of some sort as I resent walking or doing anything in public, especially if I'm alone, like really anything, I feel so embarrassed and stressed out. I avoid all social interactions as can as possible.I consider myself unlovable, unworthy, sometimes disgusting and I see no future for myself. I think about suicide as a final resort, but I know I'm not serious about them, at least now. I've started to see a psychologist, and it is going slow.
I feel alone, lost, and confused.
Never had any serious relationship with a girl, because of lack of trying, since I know I won't have any successful relationship.
With people I'm either awkward, creepy, or weird. I don't know how to talk or what to talk about, It is either complete silence or bunch of meaningless bulls**t. < one of the reasons I had no girlfriends (or a genuine friend).
Day after day I become more apathetic towards my problems, since it is that or despair.

Sorry for the long post, I know it is discouraging to read but if you do please let me know what you think or whether you see something that can help.

Thank you I really appreciate it

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Stilicho.

Originally Posted by Stilicho

She was also paranoid. Because all of this, me and my sisters never had a life outside the house, no real friends.

It is not surprising in view of how you were raised that you have difficulties socialising or even social anxiety.

Does your psychologist understand what you have told us here - the special circumstances that may have caused or nurtured your present difficulties?

Please make yourself at home here, Stilicho.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Stilicho

Sorry for the long post, I know it is discouraging to read but if you do please let me know what you think or whether you see something that can help.

Thank you I really appreciate it

Hi Stilicho,

My best advice is here

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- vital

[Nammu]

Welcome to PC.

I second what rohag said. It is not surprising given you childhood to have such social anxiety. Although it seems slow going with the Pdoc it will take time to make lasting and engrained positive changes. By working on this and changing yourself you are showing your sisters the possibilities of life.

[Stilicho]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello & Welcome, Stilicho.

It is not surprising in view of how you were raised that you have difficulties socialising or even social anxiety.

Does your psychologist understand what you have told us here - the special circumstances that may have caused or nurtured your present difficulties?

Please make yourself at home here, Stilicho.

Hey.
I'm making sure to tell her everything I think is relevant, it was a bit difficult the first three sessions but we are making progress though very slow.
Thank you Rohag

[Stilicho]

Originally Posted by vital

Hi Stilicho,

My best advice is here

- vital

Hello vital, I'll be sure to check that out
Thank you