[Fleury29]

I seem to have a hard time of it, especially lately, I can't tell if someone talking to me is telling me a real story, or something they just made up because they don't really want to talk to me? It's making me sad because it seems like everything everyone lets me hear is just stuff I said to them the last time. The other problem is I've noticed that people will stop talking about whatever it was they were talking about and have a fake conversation about George, or Susan, but most of the time it sounds like something I did or said.. It's never anyone that is there, I caught one lady making up something when she couldn't remember her own lie, I didn't confront her about it because anything I do gets me in trouble. I'm lost and confused. It's not fair that I'm never allowed to meet anyone or do anything that normal people do.

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[palerefraction]

I generally find these people aren't worth your time. I'm a message away if you ever want to talk

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[kim_johnson]

Lots of people talk in an attempt to emotionally connect / resonate rather than talking in an attempt to communicate literal meanings.

Does that make sense?

I mean... Sometimes the point of conversations is 'blah blah blah made up stuff' and then the other person says 'blah blah blah oh yeah ME TOO!!!'

I find that I hear things I've said chopped around a little and spat right back at me... And I've felt like maybe people are taking the piss, at times... But I've come to the conclusion that mostly... People are trying to get me to think 'ME TOO!' In other words... People are trying to connect with me, the only way they know how.

I find this really hard because I'm... Contrary. I bond by having discussions about stuff where people say what they think and we bounce off each other and sometimes revise a bit towards agreement... But the whole thing of just fibbing your way along for the emotional resonance... Is alien to me... I really don't like it...

But, apparently, it is how much of the world works.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Fleury, I'm sorry you're having a hard time
To me it sounds like you're struggling with a couple of things (just IMO!!) like self esteem issues, trust issues and some of people you may be talking about.
This: ".........telling me a real story, or something they just made up because they don't really want to talk to me?"
Maybe you're being a bit hard on yourself there, maybe people are going to want to talk to you more than you think?? So the stories may well be real..........but from the other side, some people may make up stories for the very reason that they do want to talk to you........it's just that they've nothing else to say or want those stories to make you notice/remember them.
And: "everything everyone lets me hear is just stuff I said to them the last time"
Maybe again they haven't got much to say...........maybe you've made a positive impression on them with them remembering that stuff??
And..........people stopping talking and going into a fake conversation.........I think sometimes if your self esteem is just a little shaky it's real easy think that's happening or if it is then to take that personally. And if it does happen anytime I'd say that sometimes we just need to respect that some people might like to keep some things private, it doesn't need to be anything about/to do with you that they're keeping things quiet.......just the way we are........I'm sure you'd like some conversations to be confidential "just because" as well, hey??
And if those fake conversations are similar to things you did or said.........well maybe just grasping at something to say and you've triggered something for them........or they're not fake and just total coincidence??
So maybe have some conversations with these people about how you're feeling, "call them out" on some of the things you think might be going on. Might be some reasons behind those things which you can resolve with them, or might not be, in which case.......time to completely distance yourself from them.
Just some thoughts..............

Alison

[einsam]

If things don't add up or the person's speech/body language is incongruent, I'd suspect a liar. I don't think it's always easy to tell for sure and people can be a little strange in general. Doesn't necessarily mean a lie, but if you're unsure it's smart to think twice before putting yourself in a position where a lie could hurt you.

Originally Posted by kim_johnson

Lots of people talk in an attempt to emotionally connect / resonate rather than talking in an attempt to communicate literal meanings.

Does that make sense?

I mean... Sometimes the point of conversations is 'blah blah blah made up stuff' and then the other person says 'blah blah blah oh yeah ME TOO!!!'

I find that I hear things I've said chopped around a little and spat right back at me... And I've felt like maybe people are taking the piss, at times... But I've come to the conclusion that mostly... People are trying to get me to think 'ME TOO!' In other words... People are trying to connect with me, the only way they know how.

I find this really hard because I'm... Contrary. I bond by having discussions about stuff where people say what they think and we bounce off each other and sometimes revise a bit towards agreement... But the whole thing of just fibbing your way along for the emotional resonance... Is alien to me... I really don't like it...

But, apparently, it is how much of the world works.

Sometimes I get the impression that's what it's about (even met guys who'll lie about their taste in books in the age of Google), and I have to wonder... why? There's nothing inherently unlikable about other people that it should be necessary to create fake connection, at least not in my eyes.

[truegem]

Personally, I am not able to make stuff up on the fly. I also know that when I'm depressed I get a little paranoid about people's intentions. I know in my heart that we need to realize that people usually have the best intentions and do not mean us any harm. I always remind myself that people don't really have time to be playing games with us. If they do, then THEY are the one with the problem. I walk in the room, big smile, hold my head up high. It's the best I can do.

[Fuzzybear]

if it were me, i'd start asking questions that if it was something real and valid, they'd know.

say if someone told you they went to meet a moviestar at the theater last weekend, and they watched the film with them.... i'd ask what film it was, and who the star was, and i'd check it up online. was the movie even playing that weekend, is that person you mentioned in the country, it's a sure way of knowing

facial expressions help too

[Fleury29]

My problem is that no one that knows me, or knows someone else that knows me never really talks to me. It's as if they talk to each other and tell themselves that I enjoy hearing conversations I had with someone years ago, over and over again. I know for a fact that people don't normally talk like this. It gets old, it feels like my privacy is being invaded a bit as well when someone I don't know knows "everything" about me.

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