Don't know what I can do to help myself anymore

have you tried ECT?

I wrote something else but i deleted it. I think i may br going to a very lonely place soon with no friends and support. Based on today, i believe i have no support now. Don't even want to reach out anymore. What is the use?

A quick update. Everything is still the same for me, but I've found a new goal which is giving me something to aspire to.

I've decided to go ahead with a huge art project. I'm planning to build a series of sculptures that I'm going to erect all over the city, in parks and places like that. It's going to be a gurrilla action, so totally off the record. One day there will be nothing, then boom!!! ...overnight there's a giant wooden man or something like that in the middle of the park. I'm going to keep it up until the papers do a report on where these mysterious statues are coming from, then come forward and reap the fame.

I've already gathered a bit of interest from a few people who are willing to help out. I've arranged a work-space to build the statues. I'm getting help with the paperwork for funding from the arts council. And I've secured an introduction to a new gallery that's opening up called "The Art House". I'll be basically helping with the renovations, but it affords me the opportunity to gather more people to my cause to help with the project.

With any luck it'll open some doors with Yorkshire Sculpture park. If I can get my name on their doors (literally they engrave the names of selected artists on the road leading to the park), I'm pretty much a made man. So fingers crossed *X*

You are someone who doesn't give up. You are not shy and not afraid to approach people or organization.

Hello everyone. I thought I'd post and get peoples thoughts since my suicidal feelings are creeping back in.

When I last posted I was saying that I had a new goal that I was reaching for. That's all going better than I could have hoped. I had the idea to build some large sculptures, but it seems like I might end up having my own sculpture park. The project has taken on a life of its own and it all seems so simple to make it happen. But it's not making me happy.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not overwhelmed by this - I'm taking it in my stride. But even with this big thing happening, my life doesn't feel any different. I make a few phone calls, then I'm just sat around on my own waiting once more. I go out and talk to a contact about some dealings, but they're not friends who I have a connection with and it's not a social event. I gather volunteers and people to help, but I'm their leader and mentor, not their friend.

People tell me that what I'm doing is an achievement, but it feels so empty. If what I'm doing is so great and to applauded, then why are people who are worthless shits out enjoying life while I'm stuck at home. All my life I've been told do X to get Y, but it's all a load of crap. Not only do I do X, I go beyond it. But the rewards go those who don't even try. And that's what's making me feel suicidal. Even after achieving something great and bringing all sorts of people together in the process, all I get is a pat on the back and to come back home to an empty house and a phone that never rings.

As the thread title says, I don't know what I can do to help myself anymore!

I go through the same thing - reach out, get swatted back. Therapists tell me to keep trying because isolating is a major depression trigger, but so is constant rejection. I don't know what the answer is - I wish I did - but you're not alone.