I guess that in this forum, there are at least a few introvert women, and I want to know your opinion about a situation. In my class, there's a girl, very introverted. She's alone most of the time, just waiting patiently for the course to begin, and getting home as soon as it finishes. I want to know WHY ? Is it, shyness ? Is it depression ? Is it that she doesn't get along with other people ?
Of course, I know nobody is the same, and your cases don't apply to her, but I'd like an "overview".

Another thing is I'm a bit "fond" of her, so I'd like to talk to her. Problem : I'm an introvert too... So if you were her, how would you react to another person talking to you ? And what would you like this person to tell you ?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

She is probably think pretty much the same as you, but from a slightly different perspective - talk to her, what is worst that could happen?

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

She is probably think pretty much the same as you, but from a slightly different perspective - talk to her, what is worst that could happen?

Look like a perfect dumb ? I would like to avoid it by knowing what to say to her. You know, I always had a peculiar way to make friends (a little bit rough, you know) and I'd like to know how normal people proceed.

Unless you're really good at reading people, you probably can't by looking if she's just shy or if she's depressed or if it's something else. She also might have a boyfriend.

As far as talking to her, I don't think you could go wrong by making small talk about the class you share and see what happens. That way, even if she doesn't want to talk to you, it's not your fault. At least, that's how it would work where I live (in the southern US.)

[TheOriginalMe]

You have the course you are studying in common, so ask her how she is finding it, then ask her about the other classes she is taking, especially the ones you don't have in common. I say that because it might open things up a bit more than sticking to the course you have in common. If she wants to talk, she'll open up, but otherwise it will just seem that you are a fellow student being friendly and no big deal. Once you have chatted about the course, you could ask her what she does when she isn't studying or you might be able to pick up on some clues in how she dresses or the type of accessories she has, e.g. I love dogs and I often wear clothes or jewellery that depict dogs. I'm sure that she won't think you are dumb.

I used to be an introverted college girl (quite a few years ago) and whenever a guy I didn't really know asked me what I did when I wasn't studying or "what do you like to do for fun?" it always came across as a bad pick-up line to me. Everyone is different, though.

Originally Posted by jo_thorne

I used to be an introverted college girl (quite a few years ago) and whenever a guy I didn't really know asked me what I did when I wasn't studying or "what do you like to do for fun?" it always came across as a bad pick-up line to me. Everyone is different, though.

What would you like, if you were her ?

[avlady]

i think you should try to do some of things mentioned, it doesn't hurt to try, then you'll know rather than not knowing the rest of your life.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Kamiomi

Look like a perfect dumb ? I would like to avoid it by knowing what to say to her. You know, I always had a peculiar way to make friends (a little bit rough, you know) and I'd like to know how normal people proceed.

Alas, in life one often looks like a total dumb. If she likes you she will take pity but if she does not like you I trust she will be kind and not wither you with a look. But if she does wither you, her loss, so it goes, there are other fish in the ocean who will know a good thing when they see it.

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

Alas, in life one often looks like a total dumb. If she likes you she will take pity but if she does not like you I trust she will be kind and not wither you with a look. But if she does wither you, her loss, so it goes, there are other fish in the ocean who will know a good thing when they see it.

Chances are low to meet someone that nice where I live, so It's her or nothing...

[shezbut]

As an extreme introvert myself, I can relate to what you're trying to say.

To me, it sounds as though you're saying that there's another person in a class of yours that seems like they might be like you. Being eager to have someone to be friends with, you're tempted to give it a try, but scared that they might push you away. I have been there many times myself! It is very scary indeed.

I don't know quite how to put it, but, here goes: I always kind of forced myself to approach those that were always alone and seemed vulnerable. I ventured to think that they might be able to relate to me and MAYBE..(gasp!)...like me. So, when it was quiet, and no one else was around, I'd approach them & say hello. [I did NOT want the option of others seeing me possibly fail!] If they replied nicely, I'd push myself a little further to come up with a question requiring more than a one or two-word response. Then I moved on to asking if they'd like to hang out sometime. {ie; Have lunch together, study for an exam, etc.}

That worked pretty well for me.

Very best wishes and hope sent your way!

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Kamiomi

Chances are low to meet someone that nice where I live, so It's her or nothing...

Perhaps that is why you are reluctant to approach her - if she does not respond you will feel it is your only chance gone. There are always other possibilities - in the isolated valley where I come from the invention of the bicycle and hence access to mates on the other side of the hills saved my forbears from extinction by inbreeding - something always turns up.

The reason I suggested you just start off with discussing the class you share is because you don't really know her and I got the impression that you wanted to avoid feeling embarrassed or rejected.

Have you ever read much or watched videos about reading people's body language? If this isn't something you're skilled at, you might want to try learning more about it. It will help you in all areas of your life.

You asked what I'd prefer, though. I'd prefer safe small talk before or after class. If I wasn't at all interested in the guy, I'd let it end at small talk. I might like the guy somewhat and think of him as a friend. Or I might find him very attractive and want to get to know him better. It can take several times of talking with someone you meet in a class before anything else ever develops or sometimes you can end up immediately going to get coffee together.

I just remembered something that made me smile. When I was a freshman in college, a male friend of mine told me that he asked a girl from his math class on a date (he had never talked to her before) and she told him that she was going to be washing her hair that night. (That was like a 1950s excuse - very obviously meant she wasn't interested.) He mostly laughed about it, but his feelings were hurt a little bit. He wasn't really shy, though.

Starting off with safe conversation is considerate of the girl's feelings, too, if she's not interested in getting to know you any better. Most girls don't really enjoy hurting someone's feelings.

I hope you will make some female friends in college, too. I had a tech-y major in college and had lots of guys in my classes and ended up with nice study groups with both guys and girls in them. If you make friends with girls, then you can ask them these kinds of questions.

The more I think of it, the more is impossible for me to do this. Talking, chatting, speaking, all this ***** makes me sick. I'm not talkative, so I guess it's done.
Now all I want is satisfy my curiosity. I'm thinking of a way to obtain the information I want, but I don't have the technical skills to do it myself. I hope that someone understands what I'm begging for.