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#1
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Today, I woke up in the morning. My parents were fighting like they do everyday. I went downstairs and they started yelling at me. They then said to me "YOU ARE THE REASON WE ALWAYS FIGHT!". I felt so hurt. (yes they actually meant it. my dad lectured me in the car so it wasn't a spur of the moment).
My parents have always fought everyday since I was kid. I used to cry when they fought. I used to crawl underneath the dining table and cry there when I was 5. I always blamed myself for their fighting. Today, it all makes sense. I was right. I AM THE REASON THEY ARE UNHAPPY. I hate myself. I want to disappear. I don't want to exist anymore. I'm such a burden to my family and the world. I was most probably a mistake. Why am I even here. I dont deserve anything. I just want to cry (well I am). I've already been having a tough time these past few months and this just brought me down to my knees. I can't get up. I sound like an idiot. I'm a pathtic worthless loser. Why can't I just die? Don't wanna deal anymore. I'm not worth anything. I'm not motivated to do anything. I'm wasting each and every day. My marks dropped big time. I can't focus. Just nothing. I feel empty. I just don't want to do anything anymore. I want to lay in bed and never get out. I don't want to hear or see people. I just want to keep myself away from everybody. I'm an outsider. I don't belong anywhere. I'm so sick of myself.
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"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." - Winnie the Pooh ![]() |
![]() annoyedgrunt84, Anonymous200125, Anonymous200325, Dante744, i dont matter, TheOriginalMe
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#2
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Though they didn't use those exact words, this was the message my parents broadcast at me when I was young. One way or another, I believe that message is still with me.
I hope you can forge meaning for yourself detached from the thoughts and words of your parents. ![]()
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#3
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Sorry to hear of your pain......
I do not want to judge your parents without knowing them..... But let me just say not all parents are good parents. If two people are fighting, it is because those two people do not have the skills or brains to DISCUSS the conflict to an peaceful and mutually acceptable resolution. Just my 2 cents. btw - my kids liked buttercup |
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