[SecretGarden]

I see my pdoc in a week-saw him yesterday .... feeling yes... a little too needy right now.

I am surrounded by the sadness here of the losses of Virginia Tech and the fall out of a prior coworker dying there. All are wearing Maroon and Orange today. It is everywhere ... on TV, etc... I wish to give it justice but I am on overload. I wish also... to cut it all off but it is difficult to avoid.

I also have been in confrontation with my T as ...ok I know...an effective means of therapy but have asked him to call and he has not. That should not be a surprise but I am saddened.

There are other things as well. I am off meds right now and may start up a new one (yikes- could be good, will it work-last one did not...etc... yadayadayada) next week. I am not sleeping well. I cried all day at work yesterday.

I remember these symptoms from a terrible time of my life.....depression out of control.

How do I tie a knot? It will be a long week. I did go swimming last night which was I think a favorable thing to do... but that was just last night... I feel like going to bed but I know that is not best.. Though I do need sleep too.

But ...going to work today.... wearing orange ... and hoping to hang in there and not fall apart.

[sickntired]

((((((((((((((( secretgarden))))))))))

[MissCharlotte]

xxxxooooo Secretgarden

You will make it through today. You can. I don't understand why your T can't call you back if you need him, but I guess it's only important that you understand. I too have tried to avoid the media coverage about the Va Tech shootings. It's horriffic and makes me so sad, but Secret, I still can't cry. Can you send me some of your tears? (Yesterday, I watched Sophies Choice and still didn't cry) I am sending you some of my smiles to get you through because i smile like an idiot, even when I am angry.

We are opposite ends of the emotional spectrum. Maybe together we are bi-polar

[SecretGarden]

Thanks sister... You are so sweet... and I appreciate it. I think it could be ... we could indeed be.... bipolar.

More later...Maybe we can work on/with each other.

(((((((((((((((((( HUGE HUGS ))))))))))))))))))))))

I'll be your knot. Hang on!

The VT situation must be so hard to deal with being so close to it. I am not and can't take any more. I could only watch the first day and that was enough.

grrrr at your T. You two have a long relationship and you are between/off meds at the moment and it's a really hard time for you. He knows that and owes you, in my opinion, the courtesy of calling you back. Have you called a 2nd time?
Perhaps there is confusion on his part or he thinks he has called you back already?

I'm amazed you can still get to work and go swimming, feeling like you do. That's terrific!

Rent some fun movies this weekend? What are your favorite comedies?

[snowflake_48888]

[(JD)]

Do your best in what you can ... know that millions are holding you all in prayer...

[SecretGarden]

Thank you... all.

I really feel that I respect his boundaries. This is not something I request of him but how dare I.

I know that many are praying for all of the folks at VT.

Will work on a movie or really really be selective this weekend.... on what I catch on the tube. I also may visit my sis... just know when I need to take action to keep me from the black deeper hole.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( SecretGarden ))))))))))))))

I'd be saddened too if a T didn't call during a confrontation (that's just the sort of thing that would "damage" my trust )

Hoping things ease up, you've a lot going on (don't need me to tell you that ..)

[SecretGarden]

Thanks Fuzzybear. I feel like hibernating. :-)

You are right actually....I need to trust that he will be there.... Poo