[Mysterious_Lion]

Hello I am new here, I suffer from depressive episodes, I think every year since 13 learn't new things about it, didn't get any help till 20 properly diagnosed, went on Seteraline, I had a good childhood but I guess chemical imbalances. I stop 12 weeks seeing someone, it was a 12 week treatment but I still had trouble opening up at the time, like my defensive wall in my mind kept popping up saying everything is fine. I know when I am at home different story. I hate showing my weak side of me. I can't explain this wall like survival instinct. If everyone know what's in my head be used against me every way. I didn't find the person very helpful to me be different to anyone else but all it felt like they were listening didn't felt like any guidance. So I stopped going anymore after the 12 weeks. I feel bad when I say the person was terrible they properly were not just wasn't for me maybe. 8 months in my zoloft it stopped working felt down alot so I taper off.

4 years later.
Last end of November I had an anxiety issue, work was so stressful, I wasn't coping wanted to die, considering my plans of death but it didn't happen their so much. I stopped eating and exercising my weight was starting to drop alot. By mid jan I decided to write my goodbyes but didn't go through with it, my partner told me to see a doctor again was put on Zoloft, 2 weeks of it felt okay anxiety went but my depression felt like it was coming in full ball more but I was still pushing getting up going to work, Zoloft felt like a zombie at work. 3 week I kept laughing crazy at time for no reason like happy but wasn't happy, 4 and 5 weeks I felt angry a lot for no reason, intrusive thoughts came in more (compared to 2nd week went away) like violent ones like "lets punch this guy in the head?" just no. 7th weeks my days morning I felt like I could do somethings laugh randomly about nothing to after noon cranky.

8th week went to the doctors again saying this and that explaining whats been happing saying I am really angry most the time before stress I was just depressed I say I get irritable but most the time I get home after work I wanted to grab thing throw them on the ground I want to break them and after words crying. The doctor wanted me off Zoloft and put me on Eplium, its a mood stabiliser but I was turned off the idea cause I was done with pills. He said I maybe bipolar cause he said the way I was on Zoloft he said it was like a 'Mixed state" I but trying to explain I was more angry than happy. I thought bipolar was very high and lows? I asked him this kept saying repeating thing about mania happy but nothing about the anger bit pushing about me taking the med saying don't plan kids on this and come in often to monitor my liver.

After the appointment I felt anxious about the idea so I stop all meds I am still having slight side effects I did tapper down. For two weeks when I was completely off it I had like heart palpitations scared me a little for few weeks. After that if I have stressful days I now get happy to really angry at home when I am on my own. For example my roommate left dirty dishes behind on thursday I had stressful day at work something so small I got pissed off, I was pissed for being pissed off at that wanted to clean my partner said relax but the dishes were on my mind I wanted clean things. I threw things down. No way I have never hurt anyone but when I am in my angry depressive episodes like these I am on my own in my house.

I am unsure what the meds did to my mind but this happens now even after I stopped taking them.

I need advice please, I do plan to try seeing someone else again.

I am sick of being like this common thoughts in my head am I going to get anywhere in my life, is this worth it, my work is repetitive and pressuring fast pace, will I ever know my place in life. I am nearly in my mid 20 I have not achieve much. On Friday night I thought about killing myself strongly.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Mysterious_Lion

Hello I am new here, I suffer from depressive episodes, I think every year since 13 learn't new things about it, didn't get any help till 20 properly diagnosed, went on Seteraline, I had a good childhood but I guess chemical imbalances. I stop 12 weeks seeing someone, it was a 12 week treatment but I still had trouble opening up at the time, like my defensive wall in my mind kept popping up saying everything is fine. I know when I am at home different story. I hate showing my weak side of me. I can't explain this wall like survival instinct. If everyone know what's in my head be used against me every way. I didn't find the person very helpful to me be different to anyone else but all it felt like they were listening didn't felt like any guidance. So I stopped going anymore after the 12 weeks. I feel bad when I say the person was terrible they properly were not just wasn't for me maybe. 8 months in my zoloft it stopped working felt down alot so I taper off.

4 years later.
Last end of November I had an anxiety issue, work was so stressful, I wasn't coping wanted to die, considering my plans of death but it didn't happen their so much. I stopped eating and exercising my weight was starting to drop alot. By mid jan I decided to write my goodbyes but didn't go through with it, my partner told me to see a doctor again was put on Zoloft, 2 weeks of it felt okay anxiety went but my depression felt like it was coming in full ball more but I was still pushing getting up going to work, Zoloft felt like a zombie at work. 3 week I kept laughing crazy at time for no reason like happy but wasn't happy, 4 and 5 weeks I felt angry a lot for no reason, intrusive thoughts came in more (compared to 2nd week went away) like violent ones like "lets punch this guy in the head?" just no. 7th weeks my days morning I felt like I could do somethings laugh randomly about nothing to after noon cranky.

8th week went to the doctors again saying this and that explaining whats been happing saying I am really angry most the time before stress I was just depressed I say I get irritable but most the time I get home after work I wanted to grab thing throw them on the ground I want to break them and after words crying. The doctor wanted me off Zoloft and put me on Eplium, its a mood stabiliser but I was turned off the idea cause I was done with pills. He said I maybe bipolar cause he said the way I was on Zoloft he said it was like a 'Mixed state" I but trying to explain I was more angry than happy. I thought bipolar was very high and lows? I asked him this kept saying repeating thing about mania happy but nothing about the anger bit pushing about me taking the med saying don't plan kids on this and come in often to monitor my liver.

After the appointment I felt anxious about the idea so I stop all meds I am still having slight side effects I did tapper down. For two weeks when I was completely off it I had like heart palpitations scared me a little for few weeks. After that if I have stressful days I now get happy to really angry at home when I am on my own. For example my roommate left dirty dishes behind on thursday I had stressful day at work something so small I got pissed off, I was pissed for being pissed off at that wanted to clean my partner said relax but the dishes were on my mind I wanted clean things. I threw things down. No way I have never hurt anyone but when I am in my angry depressive episodes like these I am on my own in my house.

I am unsure what the meds did to my mind but this happens now even after I stopped taking them.

I need advice please, I do plan to try seeing someone else again.

I am sick of being like this common thoughts in my head am I going to get anywhere in my life, is this worth it, my work is repetitive and pressuring fast pace, will I ever know my place in life. I am nearly in my mid 20 I have not achieve much. On Friday night I thought about killing myself strongly.

Hi,

There are lots of good ways to help with depression that are either easy or healthy for you anyway. Have a look at this

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

I especially recommend trying "SNAP CLUB" as described at the top of that thread. - vital

i'm sorry you're suffering. meds can be a helpful crutch for many people - i know they stabilised my mood and took away my psychosis - but not everyone does well on them. was Zoloft the only one you tried?

[Mysterious_Lion]

Yes only Zoloft, I was presured to try Epilium, but that required constant visit to the doctor to check my liver telling me that I shouldn't try for kids. Turned me off the kdea. Not the kids trying thing cause not aimming for that. I did ask to try a different SSRI he went on a different direction like you might be bipolar.

[Mysterious_Lion]

Thank you so much I will check this out!!

I don't have anything to say that can help you, but I just wanted to say: Welcome to PC!

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to pc