[RenouncedTroglodyte]

By negativity, I mean the negativity I experienced, i.e. the bullying, emotional/mental. Because of it and me not defending myself at all,

Possible trigger:

I always feel like shooting anybody who will try pick up the bullying mantle and practice it on me. I have these thoughts that emerge after someone hurts
me and my mentality, which consist within me shaping the attacker's bones, and I find myself hitting the air as hard as I can, while imagining it being his face, or even daydream revenge while the bullying is taking place.

This bullying is one of the causes that made me lose my self-esteem (and I mean it is totally lost, completely), and had me overthink every problem until my whole life was spent with depression.

Is this natural? I don't feel like a good person for thinking to hurt people, although I still seek satisfaction.

I actually thing that is is a perfectly normal mental response. When we hold things in, the bottle slowly fills up, and eventually explodes. While it may be a more violent than normal response, its very normal to have thoughts of anger due to situations you have been through, especially with harassment of any kind or bullying.

The biggest thing is how you act on that negativity and anger. While you are feeling angry, its best to make sure you can keep those thoughts down and act within the realm of the law. But I am sure you know that lol.