they have broken me :(

in a heated row about me 'comfort eating' (which is not true) my parents just told me i had gained weight and had horrible skin. criticism wrecks my confidence and i feel terrible. they have just completely demolished my self esteem, which i have worked so hard on building up.

now i want to cut myself. i don't want to eat again. i'm so triggered and upset, i can't believe they would say that to me, i've just come out of hospital and i'm fragile, plus i didn't get any exercise or healthy food in hospital for 3months, now i feel fat and ugly and horrendous.

maybe i should cancel my therapy appt today. i am obviously too ugly and disgusting to be seen anywhere. not to mention Easter is here and i have so many bad memories of being abused at Easter.

i'm crying and just a wreck.

it sounds like this is the perfect time for a session for you. ((hugs)) you said in the first sentence what they're saying is not true, so why react like what they're saying is true?

(((((hugs)))))

I am so sorry that your parents were so rude! I can understand being concerned but to blatantly say it like that is just heartbreaking to me. Keep doing your thing and work on your healing. Going to your session now is a better idea than letting these emotions fester and because you are thinking about self harming. Remember everyone's opinions can be different, so I am extremely doubtful that your T thinks the same as you or your parents about your appearance.

I hope you don't cancel your therapy today. Your therapist is the best person to help you at this moment. He/she can help you rebuild your self-esteem and learn coping skills for dealing with your parents.

If you are feeling the urge to injure yourself lock anything you would use away or have someone else do it for you, from personal experince I know that it is easier to keep myself from cutting if I have nothing to do it with.

The idea of people in particular women being over weight drives me nuts, it was not until modern advertising that the super skinny look became acceptable. Before that time a skinny woman was considered unhealthy. Refute your parents idea of beauty and substitute it with someone else's. Google classical paintings and you will find a vastly different concept of beauty such as the Mona Lisa or hell any Caravaggio painting. Look at your neighbors I am willing to bet most if not all would never make it on the cover of any modeling magazine, yet them seem to find someone who loves them regardless. This is the concept to hold onto. No matter what someone will always find you attractive. I urge you to eat when you feel hungry not indulge your parents messed up idea of what you should look like.

I hope you feel better soon.

PS: If you and your therapist feel that you are both comfortable with it ask for a hug. Physical contact releases oxytocin which can help fight the onset of depression. In fact try to get at least 8 hugs through out the day.

I hate how some people's cruel words are so damaging - they have no idea or maybe they enjoy being nasty I hope you see your T, don't let the "bastards" grind you down too far, I know it's hard ...Yes! "They" should know better

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this! It's so hard when people who are supposed to support you don't. My parents know I'm going through a lot and don't even call to check on me. If I call them when I'm breaking down I get "keep it together" comment. We are all here for you! I hope you see your T.

Hi 8888an8888, maybe a very odd way of them showing concern about you????
But you know, it doesn't matter what size you are, what shape you are, how you look as far as I'm concerned you're a good person. And that is priceless!!!
And let's face it/no denying it, that's not your "only" good quality either!!
If you're still "worried" about the way you look though..........remember you can be 20/30.......stone and still be attractive to people!!! Whether they're seeing your inner or/and outer attractiveness when they look at you, you can still be attractive!!!
And anyone who judges you/who you are negatively based on your appearance.........well they seriously shouldn't be important to you. Do you really want to value people who are so judgmental??!!
And Easter.........the memories...........just make sure you try to reach out for support if you need it, hey??
It can be real tough feeling "trapped and alone" with memories...........but if you need/want to talk about them whenever we're here for you, OK??

Alison

thank you guys. the support means a lot to me.

i went to my therapy session and feel better for it. still hurt by the comments but oh well. some people are just tactless. pity it's the people i have to live with though.

My silent presence~

glad to read you went to therapy. that is an awful thing for your parents to say. hugs and more hugs. from your posts i can tell you are a very good person with lots of good qualities. try not to let it bring you down too much. i find that parents are more critical than just about anyone else.

When I was younger and lived at home, my parents would say cruel things to me, that made me feel so horrible about myself. I wish I could turn the clock back to tell myself, not to listen to them and to tell myself what a good person I was.

You are doing so well, ignore their comments and their "stuff".

I am sorry your parents said such hurtful things to you. It is sad that when people criticize or make comments like that it really cuts to the core and takes a gash into our self-esteem. Don't believe what they say. You are a very good, wonderful person. They would probably think I am a giant whale.

The other thing to this. None of us is perfect. You can search forever and never find the "perfect" person. I don't know why they want to push this perfectionism.

I am glad you went to therapy. You are a wonderful person and I hope things get better for you soon.