Do you get mad when people tell you to "be strong" (or something similar)? Why does it bother you?

It bothers me because I do not see myself as strong. Some of us aren't. I've never been a 'strong' person, and it makes me mad when people try to say I am, because they're setting an expectation for me that I will fail to reach. And then they act all disappointed in me when I don't reach that expectation.

Lately it feels like I can't talk to anyone about my depression without them spouting something along the lines of "Be Strong" or "It Gets Better" (another one that really pisses me off - does it really get better? Has it honestly ever gotten better for any of us here? I wouldn't know!!)

"Don't Give Up" is another one that irks me. I don't really know why. Not that I think it's ever good to give up. I guess it sounds too much like someone trying to tell me what to do with my life.

Does anyone else feel bothered by these well-meaning but clueless remarks? Have any to add?

[herethennow]

i have one: "don't stress."

... I AM ALREADY STRESSED HOW ELSE DO I NOT FEEL STRESSED?!
in fact you are adding to my stress by saying those words!!

D:

it's well meaning but it's just empty and hollow. at least to me. :/

[gayleggg]

I'm bothered by them as well, even though, I try to tell myself that they mean well but some days that just doesn't help. I have been better but I've been a lot worse, too. I know that people just don't know what to say so they come up with these platitudes that make me feel worse about my situation. The other one that gets me is "just pray about it" do they think I haven't. Some days I'm just not ready for advise, well meaning or otherwise. I would rather them just say "I don't know what to say", at least that would be the truth.

[JustTvTroping]

I hide my episodes, but I can see how that can get annoying, especially coming from people who've never had anything like depression, physical or psychological trauma, PTSD, injury, dysphoria, etc. Everything they say is a lot easier said than done. It's never easy to be strong, or to relax, and how do they know that it gets better? This world isn't always easy to live in.

I don't get bothered by them particularly. I know that when you are in a terrible place 'it gets better' seems vapid and clueless, but it is actually true. It does get better. It has gotten a hell of a lot better for me.

Anything like "You're looking better" when it's just me pretending to be doing better.

[Fuzzybear]

[TheOriginalMe]

"Be strong" gets to me a lot. No one knows how hard I have had to work to still be here. No one knows the daily dialogue I have with myself to stay safe. I am sick and tired of being strong, I haven't the energy to be strong anymore, I don't need someone telling me to do what I'm already doing. Peversely, if someone says to me "You don't know how strong you are" that will embarrass me, I know my limitations and I am not strong enough.

Breadfish you are so right, over the past few weeks I've been told over and over how much better I'm looking. I'm not doing any better, it is just I've lost weight so look healthier and as you say I'm covering things up better too.

A really stupid question I got asked was "What does happiness look like to you?"
Erm - to me happiness is a feeling, not a look. Even putting semantics aside, I'm depressed and I have lost the ability to recognise happiness, it is no longer part of my emotional spectrum. I struggle to remember happy times from my past, even good memories are tainted by bad feelings. I wouldn't have minded the question quite so much if it had come from a well meaning bystander, but it came from a T who was out of her depth.

[boomerango]

oh, good thread. I DO feel uncomfortable when I hear the well-meaning sayings that sound so empty in the face of my flailing. I figure I've found a limit in the other person to whom I've just revealed some level of my struggle. I think it takes strength to risk sharing. And it takes strength to alternatively hide the depression. Exhausting either way. So I really don't feel very strong after all.

[Randle McMurphy]

I guess it would for me too. but more because I feel most of the time I am inconsolable, so pretty much all words have little effect.

[ladisputelover]

"Don't worry"
"It's nothing to be anxious about"
"Calm down"
"It could be worse/some people have it worse"
"Drama queen"
"It's not even that bad"
"You're just asking for attention"

some of these aren't even well-meaning but
LIKE OH MY GOD SHUT THE F**K UP