[chiongsterx]

Even though i might be young, ignorant & may lack much experience in a relationship i still want to share my story so those who are in the same plight as me won't feel lonely.

After we broke up, for the 1st week, i felt despair, emptiness, fear, hurt, all kinds of negative emotions. It hurt so bad that instead of trying to face the problem, i decided to bottle it up and act as if nothing happened. During the break up phase, i realize my problems : Extreme mood swing(personality disorder) , negative mindset, over-thinking & such. Basically i was problematic. So instead of trying to get back with her, i decided to change myself & become a better person so that in the future i might have a chance again. But as time passes by, all i felt was fear. The feelings that i bottled up kind of broke loose in my heart and that was when everything went downhill. All the negative feeling flooded me. Eventually i felt like living was a torture. I can never explain how awfully painful my heart felt but i can sum it up as a cliche : Heart being stabbed by thousand knifes. Worst part of all was went we broke up, we still loved each other. However life was always changing, she moved on quite easily while i became an idiot clinging on to a false hope of ever reuniting again. Just weeks after we broke, she found a new bf and tbh it was when i decided to give up all together. The pain was so real that

Possible trigger:

i felt like self-harming or even killing myself.

Maybe because its the 1st time i put in 100% in a relationship thats why the rebound was so painful. I basically searched the net to find ways to help me pull through and thats when i saw this site and saw the experiences others faced. Seeing that others went through scenarios much worse then mine made me realize that mine was just a puny little game, but a game that was painfully hard to endure.

So im here to tell peeps who experienced the same thing or are currently going through the same things as me not to give up on life.
If you have frens around you to give you mental support and comfort, seek their help. Don't be like me, trying to solve things alone carrying all the burden and pain. Remember that you are not alone in this world and that ending a relationship doesn't mean that it will be the last. Take the opportunity to reflect on what you did wrong and try to improve yourself.
Most important things
1. Learn to forgive yourself. ( you really need to forgive yourself )
2. Let go of your regrets. (If you don't let go, you can't move on. Hard truth)
3. Self reflection ( At the end of the day, there is always something to be learnt from )
4. Don't try to bottle up your emotions, let it all out or you surely will regret.
5. MOST IMPORTANT, MOVE ON!!. ( Stop living in the past. Time and tide waits for no one. One day spent regretting your actions means one day of your life gone to waste.)

Actions speak louder then words. This might seem easy to say but its actually extremely hard to do. The willpower and self-discipline needed is actually alot. While typing this im still going through various emotions and its actually very hard to achieve what i said but it doesn't mean it can't be done.

Currently im going through mild depression & some bipolar disorder but i'm trying my best to not let it pull me down. If i can do it, so can you. Change for the better, Change for yourself and not for the sake of others, Change because you want to, not because you are forced to.

All in all i want to say that you are not alone. Share your experience here. I came here to share my experience as well as to let out whats holding my back. I know that once tmr comes, i will relieve the same pain again but at the very least i know that there is a place where i can let out some of the pain.

Fate has a funny way of doing things. Everything happens for a reason. You just need to find out what the reason is. Never let the past break you down. Look forward to a better future.

[Bernard54]

You may be young and somewhat inexperienced but your suggestions seem very wise.

[Fizzyo]

You have wisdom despite or, perhaps,because of your pain. Please don't self harm or you could end up trapped by it like I am. I wasn't wise about that. It only seems to help. As you know this will all help you grow. I wish you every best wish on your recovery journey. Be kind to yourself.

Major depression, dysthymia, age 46

[Fuzzybear]

thank you for the advice (((chiongster)))