[Chocopiano27]

I've been like this for over a year now, suddenly i become socially awkward. ONLY around girls i think are better than me (i'm a girl too btw).

I'm an extrovert and i talk a lot, but when i'm near these popular (cool girls) i feel like i freeze and i think i can't do anything right! I guess right now they think i'm such a weirdo but i can't help it ... Please help me i'm in pain

Because right now i feel like almost everyone is above me and i suddenly become a loner, i wasn't like this a year ago! Why have i become like this...

[gayleggg]

It sounds like you are anxious. Anxiety strikes me when I'm around those that I think are better than me, too. Normally, I'm out going, but not around stronger personalities. With me I think it is a self-esteem problem.

[Fuzzybear]

[unhappydaze]

Originally Posted by Chocopiano27

Please help me i'm in pain

Ugh, if only I could cast a spell to ease it a little. I'm certain everyone here would do the same. My first impulse is to say "I know it's painful at the moment but it will get better," etc. But that would be the height of hypocrisy coming from me, given my own inability to rein in the feeling of not-belonging. ("Feeling" isn't a strong enough word... more like "certainty.")

Years later I realized I had defined myself out of the cool kids group. To me there were "cool kids" and "everyone else." Of course the only people who could like me must be as awkward and nerdy as I am. And dorks aren't cool kids because, well, they're dorks. Or so it seemed at the time.

I hope the above doesn't come off like "poor teenager, I once felt like you but then I grew up and Figured Stuff Out. Someday you will too, just you wait!" And it's true you will figure out a lot of things, but the knowledge won't erase all the pain. It might make it a little easier to bear, though.

Even at the time I was fully aware of some of those things. Such as, the kids who made sure everyone knew how cool they were did so because of insecurity. The really cool kids didn't care whether other people thought they were cool. Yet even realizing that didn't make the feeling of loneliness any less painful at the time. About all I can say at age 52 is, I wish I had realized back then that cool kids is an illusion. Knowing that might have made me feel a little better because I would've known something they didn't.

Well, there is one other thing I can say: Just the act of writing down these feelings helps, even in a diary no one else will ever see. But especially on line where others will see it. This is the perfect place because everyone here can relate. No trolls, no flames, just people thinking "yes, I'm going through the same thing" or "yes, I remember what that felt like."