I am coming to the conclusion that I am truly sick of the dysfunctional dynamics in my family, which I unfortunately have contributed to in many ways. It has seemed that recently things will come up and then ultimately resolve themselves, but I really don't have it in me to keep butting heads with family members. The other day I told my parents I was going to check out the physics building at my local college, but I went out and spent 30 dollars getting drunk at various bars in town over the course of about an hour and a half. I had multiple beers and shots and when my parents came to pick me up an hour and a half later I was completely smashed and talking about nonsensical and stupid things and stumbling around town in the middle of a sunny afternoon. The next day my mother started saying how there really isn't much of a relationship if I would lie like that and that there isn't "anything there" because I lied. They even said that my going out and lying to get drunk was like a spouse being cheated on. The next day they also said that they were not going to let me go on a downward spiral and would stop me until they were dead. They also said that they were saying they feel they are just going through the motions and that their heart really isn't in doing things for me anymore and they are just numb because I am so belligerent and I lied to them to get drunk but they know they have to be there for me for my sake. I still have been staying in their house and they insist that they want the best for me and want to be there for me and that they still love me. The other night I truly felt that life was pointless but when I told them about this the next day, they became annoyed with me for telling them, perhaps out of frustration with the situation. My Mom was up last night until 4 in the morning crying about everything. I don't know how to handle this. The problem is with the things they said, due to my condition I can't tell if they care about me and genuinely are looking to help which I think is probably the case or if they just don't like me anymore and are being mean. I have become so confused due to the years of ******** that I honestly cannot tell the difference anymore with anything. I am starting to feel like life is basically just a massive cesspool where someone occasionally throws you a buoy, but then it ultimately just sucks you back under like quicksand.

[Crazy Hitch]

Yeah I've always said if one were to shake my family tree there would be a whole heap of who knows what falling out of there.

I guess your mother was a bit suprised at the detour when you went for a drink as she was anticipating you being elsewhere.

It sounds complex as by all means it appears as if you are living under their roof?

And yet seem to be of the age where you are highly capable of making your own decisions?

So I sort of wonder how long this living relationship will be in the near future?

I am unsure; I simply do not know enough to be able to speculate.

I am not going to lie - you do seem to be diverting a bit going out drinking etc.

I just wanted to say.

Hang in there please.

It's not easy right now.

It definitely sounds like your parents, especially your mother love you and want the best for you but perhaps just don't know how to help you. If you have depression or something else (I ddint look at your profile) are you treated for this? Are your parents aware? it also sounds like this might not be the first time that your plans changed from what you initially intended or told your parents. Has this been often, and does it usually involve drinking? Whatever the case, being honest with your parents but more importantly being honest with yourself will be the start to wherever you need to go. And if drinking in your life has become a constant, maybe take some time to think about that? Is there an option for you to move out of your parents and out some physical distance between u and them? I obviously don't know the details of what's involved in your life, but please take care of yourself. We are here to listen if you need!

[vital]

Originally Posted by Steve223

I am coming to the conclusion that I am truly sick of the dysfunctional dynamics in my family, which I unfortunately have contributed to in many ways. It has seemed that recently things will come up and then ultimately resolve themselves, but I really don't have it in me to keep butting heads with family members. The other day I told my parents I was going to check out the physics building at my local college, but I went out and spent 30 dollars getting drunk at various bars in town over the course of about an hour and a half. I had multiple beers and shots and when my parents came to pick me up an hour and a half later I was completely smashed and talking about nonsensical and stupid things and stumbling around town in the middle of a sunny afternoon. The next day my mother started saying how there really isn't much of a relationship if I would lie like that and that there isn't "anything there" because I lied. They even said that my going out and lying to get drunk was like a spouse being cheated on. The next day they also said that they were not going to let me go on a downward spiral and would stop me until they were dead. They also said that they were saying they feel they are just going through the motions and that their heart really isn't in doing things for me anymore and they are just numb because I am so belligerent and I lied to them to get drunk but they know they have to be there for me for my sake. I still have been staying in their house and they insist that they want the best for me and want to be there for me and that they still love me. The other night I truly felt that life was pointless but when I told them about this the next day, they became annoyed with me for telling them, perhaps out of frustration with the situation. My Mom was up last night until 4 in the morning crying about everything. I don't know how to handle this. The problem is with the things they said, due to my condition I can't tell if they care about me and genuinely are looking to help which I think is probably the case or if they just don't like me anymore and are being mean. I have become so confused due to the years of ******** that I honestly cannot tell the difference anymore with anything. I am starting to feel like life is basically just a massive cesspool where someone occasionally throws you a buoy, but then it ultimately just sucks you back under like quicksand.

Hi Steve,

This might be upsetting to hear, but you sound to me like an alcoholic who hasn't admitted that he is addicted.

- vital

[hannabee]

When and IF you become a parent, you will understand your Mother's feelings better, unless of course you were abused as a child? I also did not read your profile.
Most mothers, not all, but most, want only the best for their kids and they become sad when that is not happening due to the child's own choices. But, hmmmm, you are not a child anymore, right? You probably should stop getting drunk to avoid whatever it is you are avoiding???
Growing up is not easy but it is necessary! Please try and appreciate all that your parents have done for you up to this point. Being a parent is no easy job. Your parents have feeling just like you do. Please be kinder and more thoughtful to all of you!

(((((((Steve)))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((( hugs ))))))))