[basicgoodness]

In my job I have long been allowed to isolate (I work from home) but now am expected to travel to other states and establish relationships with policymakers like state legislators and agency heads. I am so totally unsuited for this kind of work. I am just not a talker. I have always been shy and it is a source of intense shame and anguish for me. I feel like everyone can see I have next to no people skills. When I am around people for long periods I start to shut down. Although I am silent on the outside, inside a voice is screaming that I'm worthless and defective. Which only makes the problem worse. And I am worried that I will fall into a depression.

I can't change my personality, but if I could just relax and be easier on myself, it would help a lot. It is very hard to relate to people when I am filled with inner turmoil.

Can anyone relate?

[purplek0ala]

Can definitely relate.
I'm in no place to give advice, as we're in the same boat.
But best of luck with your job! It sucks to feel this way.

[Bishtaw]

I get what your going through too though thankfully I'm just a student right now. Anyways a tip that might help is writing out a script of what you may say and rehearse it in the mirror. Generally it's used for speeches but you can adapt it to conversation too. I find its helpful because i don't have to make a sentence on the spot just remember it.

[Sinking Feeling]

It's true you can't change your personality, but you can sharpen your skills a little bit. I like the script idea some one suggested, I do the same thing. I can do ok for short period of times, but after awhile I run out of scripts. I like being around people for short period of times but then need to be alone.

And just for the record, no one is 100% INTROVERT or 100% EXTRAVERT. Such a person would be a lunatic

[basicgoodness]

Thanks for your encouraging replies. I'm under a lot of pressure to form "relationships" with people. It's like being in an endless job interview. Ugh. Maybe a script would help. Small talk is a skill I have yet to master, but I guess it's never too late. I keep thinking of what Eleanor Roosevelt (herself an introvert) once said: "You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

[catnip123]

There's a book called Social Thinking at Work by Michelle Garcia Winner that might be helpful. It explains how to handle interactions with others in a way that is very easy to follow

i can relate. there's a TED talk on the power of introverts. you might want to watch it.

[decarabia84]

I can understand you. I have been shy and introvert since I was born. On the square I have found only a solution that suites me: a low dose of an SSRI. It can't change completely my personality but I can do things that I couldn't do... Sorry But I don't know what else suggest you... 😰

Inviato dal mio C6603

[Fuzzybear]

[lostinnyc2015]

I might be able to help out here a bit. I am consistently scored as much more I than E. I work from home about 60-70% of my time and I do work travel the remainder. My work is very much in the sales/commercial realm, so it's all about meeting people and forming relationships. I am not good at small talk at all and I'm terrible at starting conversations with new people. It's so much that I'm shy, but would definitely prefer to be alone and often times don't have much to say.

Some of my specific tips:
- when talking to people, ask questions. People love to talk about themselves (especially extroverts!) and they like people who allow them to do so. One tip I learned from Barbara Walters' autobiography: ask people about their first job. People love to reminisce and it brings up all sorts of tangential conversations.

- when traveling, build some time for yourself. Rather than zipping in and out of a city for a meeting, if your schedule allows it, spend an extra night or block an afternoon to check out a local sight, museum, restaurant on your own. You may not be in the comforts of home but at least you get a little perk and the all-important alone time.

Happy to share more...

[dysphoricspirit]

I can relate too, I'm a big time introvert, but there's nothing I can do for the moment, I have to put myself in uncomfortable situations.

You can get used to talking to people, you can learn people skills. Just set aside some 'alone time' for yourself everyday like I do. My advice is to just be yourself. There is nothing wrong in being a shy person.