[JohnCrow]

Nope, not tired of being admired (for all you Blazing Saddles fans out there)

I broke down and told the doc I was suffering from depression and subsequently referred to a psych

He sent me to a guy who appears to be hard of hearing. It is hard to bare your soul when you tell someone something you have told no one else before and he asks you to repeat it ... twice

My voice is breaking and it is hard to speak and I get "what was that?"

Did he want me to effing scream out my problems? It is hard enough speaking about them, let alone loud enough for people in the waiting room to hear

And then I get a temp job so I cannot even go. I had to drop my appointment with the urologist (nothing to worry about, according to the internal specialist who referred me, who was more concerned about a 0.5 mm kidney stone that isn't blocking anything. According to my research, a complicated, septated cyst (from actual medical report) on the kidney accompanied by fatigue and pain is a roughly 25-50% chance of cancer. To top it off, I have never had a doctor talk down to me like this one)

I am on a deadline at the temp job, if I don't go in, I don't get paid and every single frickin' appointment is at noon. With the distance from work to doctor and back, that pretty much wipes out my day. Workload and pay-wise

I am stressed but, oddly, not as depressed as usual. I don't think there is enough room in my psyche. Honestly, I know the answer.

Possible trigger:

I am secretly kind of hoping it is cancer. Then I can check out without looking like I gave up.

[kaliope]

oh.......my secret fantasy..........a legit was out of here......im with you on that boat...i just never go to the dr so it can happen without me ever knowing.......

i am sorry that you are having to deal with so many struggles. hope you can catch a break somewhere......take care.

You are funny. I thought of the time I went to my local free clinic with bronchitis, and the doctor who was volunteering was so elderly that he used my body to hold onto so he could stand up to examine me.

I have had that experience, too, of something external and really bad happening and like you said, it's like there's not enough room left for the depression or not as much of it, anyway.

I hope your psych will spend the money to get a digital hearing aid.

[longtime]

. I am secretly kind of hoping it is cancer. Then I can check out without looking like I gave up[/quote]

This quote and the title of your thread "tired of being tired", let me know that there are other people out there as messed up as I am. I've been dealing with depression since my mid 20's-and I'm the ripe old age of 61 now. It's been a few years since I've felt good. Just the memories of some of the good times and the love I have for family keep me going sometimes. All I can say to you is maybe tomorrow will be a good day, and I'd hate to miss it. Just hang in there.

[Fuzzybear]

I get it too The title, and the "secret fantasy"....

I send

Originally Posted by longtime

. I am secretly kind of hoping it is cancer. Then I can check out without looking like I gave up

This quote and the title of your thread "tired of being tired", let me know that there are other people out there as messed up as I am. I've been dealing with depression since my mid 20's-and I'm the ripe old age of 61 now. It's been a few years since I've felt good. Just the memories of some of the good times and the love I have for family keep me going sometimes. All I can say to you is maybe tomorrow will be a good day, and I'd hate to miss it. Just hang in there.[/QUOTE]

[vital]

Originally Posted by JohnCrow

...
I am stressed but, oddly, not as depressed as usual. I don't think there is enough room in my psyche. Honestly, I know the answer.

Possible trigger:

I am secretly kind of hoping it is cancer. Then I can check out without looking like I gave up.

Hi John,

I think you might be less depressed than usual because the cancer scare makes all the things that usually bother you trivial by comparison. Suddenly you are free of everything except for that one thing.

Speaking of movies, this reminds me of one of my favorites (although critically panned): Joe vs the Volcano. The movie begins with Joe (Tom Hanks) leading a miserable, depressed, joyless existence that is giving him health problems. He goes to see an M.D. who tells him that yes, unfortunately, he has an incurable, fatal disease. He has a "brain cloud". This is the catalyst for a complete transformation and most of the plot of the movie. I don't want to spoil the ending, but it's a good one.

- vital