Fighting invisible wars inside my head?

that's really what it feels like for me at the moment. like i'm fighting a war with depression or just these voices in my head or my past or maybe it is just me, and whenever i don't pay attention for one second i lose the war and i'm feeling like crap all over again.

i thought i was doing better for the past week, but the relapses just keep coming and keep happening, no matter how hard i try, and no matter how well i was doing.

and at the same time, the outside world doesn't know anything about it (because personally, i can't be bothered trying to explain it to them as they don't even try to understand) and has all these judgements and opinions about me being lazy and boring and sad and that the only thing i do is sleep all day. i know that that shouldn't be my concern, but it still is and i can't seem to let it go.

does anyone sometimes feel like this as well? it's like, such an empty feeling and you're not even sure how you feel at all most of the time.

Hello, Imogenheap. I have had similar feelings, but I've been on medications for many years and no longer feel the sharpness of those internal battles. I'm mostly just numb to myself.

Regrettably, the meds have not helped me be more productive.

oh, i feel sorry for you =( do you feel like stopping with meds all together? or maybe switching to other ones? i've always refused to take meds because i felt like i should be able to get myself out there and meds are for the weak and blabla whatever diminizing thoughts are going on in my head, but recently, i've been considering starting with them maybe, but i am just scared that it will only make things worse and make me dependent on the meds, and i don't want that..