[weirdologie]

I was talking to my T and we both came to the conclusion that I've never felt "happiness".

Of course, I've experienced moments of having fun or being glad about something, but apparently, happiness for me is just the absence of depressive symptoms; it happens due to something external. It's never occurred internally or organically in me like it apparently does in people without depression.

I'm kind of glad that I've made a leap in my therapy by figuring this out, but kind of bummed that I've never felt a certain emotion the way a huge chunk of the population has.

Has anybody else ever felt like this?

[Fizzyo]

I have had long periods like this, but I'm lucky, I have known contentment and that's special. I pray you can know this too at least for a time its great to remember and hope to see it again.

[MarleyCat]

I've felt like this as well. I have kind of gone through life in this blah state of mind and I struggle to find true joy and happiness. I don't have many interests, and though I do have good days I don't really know if what I am feeling is "happy". I've actually found myself getting irritated with my boyfriend when he is laughing because I'm kind of like why cant/don't I feel this?

Hopefully therapy can help get us to a point where we can start to experience the happiness that others do.

[weirdologie]

Fizzyo — I actually have known contentment (I'm content right now!) and that's basically my depressive's version of happiness. It's the closest I've gotten to it. "Happiness" to me is just the absence of my depression; it's not a separate emotion of its own for me.

MarleyCat — Yes, I can relate. However, I can laugh at things and have fun, but that to me isn't happiness, it's just reaction to stimuli. Joke = laughter. Tickling = laughter. Happiness can happen internally and it doesn't always need a trigger. It's the same for depression. Some people just wake up happy and I've never felt that. Content? Yes. Happy? No.

I feel like I've gone my whole life only seeing various shades of black and white as red, blue, purple, green, etc... and now I'm just realizing that that is not what those colors look like to everyone else.

[wildcheetah]

I felt exactly the same way. A few years ago I realised how I was living my life without any purpose and basically just swimming against the direction of life current. Since then everyday I make an effort to know what I want from my life and how I could make it better. I read self help books and online blogs. I a try and be curious about the things around me and try to take up interests. My happiness level is not sky high right now but I believe it will take its time. I still do not find most things funny but the things that I do give me a good genuine laugh and thats whats important. Now I take joy in my struggles and have gratitude for it.
////"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger".///