[Steiner of Thule]

I don't know how to explain it. Lately I feel like something is gonna snap and I am standing at an edge. Everything is a lie. What I want out of life is a lie and it's hard to accept that truth. That what I wanted isn't what I wanted. That I was just being brainwashed with what society considered to be happiness. More like what they wanted but isn't very possible even. When you look at how they work, how everything works and designed.

It's all just a dream, we want but can't have. Biologically, what we want in our head or we are brainwashed to want isn't possible. You'll chase that dream all of your life to end up living a shallow, sorrowful life until eventually you realize that the only thing, the best thing, is to do nothing. Though I wonder if living the life where you choose to stop chasing is good.

I never was much for the chase. Usually in the past because I was anxious and afraid of bonding with other people. Though now I feel I don't want to chase because of anxiety and because I have nothing to gain. Is it depression or realization of what matters. The answer is nothing matters. All that does matter is how comfortable I am throughout this ride.

[Fizzyo]

Sounds like life is a struggle for you

[avlady]

life can sometimes make us competitive, i've learned i don't want to be that way after being so competitive for my whole life. now i just take things as they come, and if someone doesn't like it, that's too bad for them. i refuse to have people judge me as to how much better i can do something better than someone else.

Lots of lies are portrayed through the media, we are made to think that certain things are important when they are not, then when we achieve these things we wonder why it is that we don't feel fulfilled.

[Angelique67]

Hi S of T. Are you thinking you're supposed to chase wealth or a dream girl, etc? There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with not doing that. I think life is like a balancing act between struggle and relaxation. You need to eventually decide what you want to struggle for. I'm guessing you just haven't found that yet. ((hugs))

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Hi S of T. Are you thinking you're supposed to chase wealth or a dream girl, etc? There's nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with not doing that. I think life is like a balancing act between struggle and relaxation. You need to eventually decide what you want to struggle for. I'm guessing you just haven't found that yet. ((hugs))

Why would I want to struggle for either. They are both shallow desires.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule

Why would I want to struggle for either. They are both shallow desires.

Well that's what I mean, when you find what you want, whether it's knowledge or mysticism or anything, you will find your passion.

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Well that's what I mean, when you find what you want, whether it's knowledge or mysticism or anything, you will find your passion.

I don't even know. I just feel like I don't want to be alive anymore at this point. Not that I am saying I want to kill myself. (I'd save that for a trigger thread) Though life feels very gray and lifeless. I keep having periods of unreal-ness, dark thinking, blurry.

[Steiner of Thule]

I'm just tired of everything. I want to quit my job. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to stop eating. I want to stop going outside. I want to be here in my room. I want to staple blankets over the window. I want to hide. I feel unreal out there. I feel unreal in here. I feel unreal everywhere. I am not real. I won't go into details because I am trying to not make it trigger but perhaps i already have.

[Angelique67]

With details maybe we could understand better. It sounds like you're very depressed. I wish I had something more helpful to say. ((hugs))

[LittleEarthquakes]

Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule

I'm just tired of everything. I want to quit my job. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to stop eating. I want to stop going outside. I want to be here in my room. I want to staple blankets over the window. I want to hide. I feel unreal out there. I feel unreal in here. I feel unreal everywhere. I am not real. I won't go into details because I am trying to not make it trigger but perhaps i already have.

I feel unreal too.

[vital]

Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule

I'm just tired of everything. I want to quit my job. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to stop eating. I want to stop going outside. I want to be here in my room. I want to staple blankets over the window. I want to hide. I feel unreal out there. I feel unreal in here. I feel unreal everywhere. I am not real. I won't go into details because I am trying to not make it trigger but perhaps i already have.

Hi Steiner!

One of the hard things when you're depressed is that even the teeniest setback can have a huge effect and make you want to give up. It sucks the joy out of everything. It's too stressful and it doesn't seem like there is any escape, so you withdraw to protect yourself, but even that doesn't really work because your thoughts follow you. At least that's how it was with me.

You can escape, though, I do believe. I believe it because you have made so much progress already, even though it might not feel like it right now. If you can escape, it is such an amazing relief. Reality is really nice. My happiness doesn't depend on anything that society says or goals or anything like that. Just being alive makes all that stuff trivial by comparison.

- vital

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by vital

Hi Steiner!

One of the hard things when you're depressed is that even the teeniest setback can have a huge effect and make you want to give up. It sucks the joy out of everything. It's too stressful and it doesn't seem like there is any escape, so you withdraw to protect yourself, but even that doesn't really work because your thoughts follow you. At least that's how it was with me.

You can escape, though, I do believe. I believe it because you have made so much progress already, even though it might not feel like it right now. If you can escape, it is such an amazing relief. Reality is really nice. My happiness doesn't depend on anything that society says or goals or anything like that. Just being alive makes all that stuff trivial by comparison.

- vital

Where have you been vital.

I feel everything is trivial. I wonder if this is enlightenment or insanity. Maybe they are one and the same. Ever get that tingle in your brain as if it's about to void out. A certain freedom that comes from giving up everything.

[JadeAmethyst]

Maybe just a change in perspective and you own life on your own terms?

[vital]

Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule

Where have you been vital.

I've been enjoying my real life life. My push-up muscles are getting flabby though

Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule

I feel everything is trivial. I wonder if this is enlightenment or insanity. Maybe they are one and the same. Ever get that tingle in your brain as if it's about to void out. A certain freedom that comes from giving up everything.

I don't think it's either enlightenment or insanity. I never had something that I would describe as a tingle. Any chance your meds are giving you problems? It wouldn't be the first time. It's probably just depression though.

There IS a freedom that comes with giving up everything, if you truly "surrender" or give up all attachment as the Buddhists say:

- vital

[Steiner of Thule]

Originally Posted by vital

I've been enjoying my real life life. My push-up muscles are getting flabby though


I don't think it's either enlightenment or insanity. I never had something that I would describe as a tingle. Any chance your meds are giving you problems? It wouldn't be the first time. It's probably just depression though.

There IS a freedom that comes with giving up everything, if you truly "surrender" or give up all attachment as the Buddhists say:

- vital

Real life is good to experience. Especially when it is all around us and sometimes we get too lost to enjoy it.

I am lost.

I don't think it's the meds. The tingle is like when you are on a beam over an endless pit, about to fall.

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule

Real life is good to experience. Especially when it is all around us and sometimes we get too lost to enjoy it.

I am lost.

I don't think it's the meds. The tingle is like when you are on a beam over an endless pit, about to fall.

I had that tingle the year my best friend died a long time ago. We knew he was sick. It was a sense that I was losing everything and had no idea what would replace it. It never really got better, but I did survive. Or rather, I did get better but my circumstances totally tanked.

[annoyedgrunt84]

Honestly I do think facing the utter absurdity of existence itself can be a good starting point. I mean we're flying around on a rock with barely 10 miles of air separating us from billions of light years of absolutely nothing in any given direction. I think not taking things too seriously can be a good starting point.

[annoyedgrunt84]

Try this out