Being called a failure

I was recently called a failure by an ex. He said it in a way that really hit me right in the soul. I cried for an hour after he made those comments. He said I wasn't living up to my full potential. I'm not trying to have a pity party by writing this post but I would really appreciate some kind words. His comments ring in my head as if on repeat when I'm doing the laundry, when I'm sending out resumes, when I'm about to go to sleep at night. It's triggered my depression. I can't forget his words. I can't believe a man that I was intimate with had the nerve to say that to me. That was probably the most hurtful thing anyone has said to me. My friends told me to use it as ammunition to become even more successful - but that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I just can't believe he said that to me. Its very upsetting. I'm having trouble letting it go.

I asked this question on another website and someone responded by saying, "You are a failure. He was just stating what he saw." Tears welled up after I read that awful comment, I know I shouldn't let what others say about me affect me but its hard sometimes.

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I know very well how the unkindness of another can be the source of days/weeks of replaying it in mind, feeling the hurt all the same. I don't know you well, but with depression I know how much effort it can take to follow through on things like sending out resumes as you mention and just trying to make it through the day. You are doing the best you can and need support, not unfair judgements.

(((CosmicRose))) Sometimes some men open their mouths and a bunch of crap comes out. Need I say more? You're not a failure!!!

Hi Cosmic Rose, the people we hold close to us are the ones that can cut us the worst. Remember that you can accept the good and disregard the bad. We are not failures, we are alive and we are capable of becoming productive people. It is definitely a journey and not a destination. You don't need any more negativity in your life and if the people close to you are not supportive there needs to be distance.

I've had to really work on communicating exactly what irks me and pushes my buttons to the people close to me. Imo, keep the ex an ex and keep it movin'!

Hi CosmicRose,



I'm sorry that you feel bad about this stuff, but it's interesting too. Have you wondered why you have such a strong reaction to what your ex said? You know, I think that being deeply hurt by something that someone says is actually a symptom of depression, even if the person saying it is a jerk and is trying to be mean and whether or not most people would be upset hearing the same thing. I think it's especially part of your depression if you keep thinking about what your ex said over and over again. Depression is very tricky. Your strong and understandable reaction to this is, I suspect, hiding the underlying problem. I have an attempt to explain it here:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

On the general subject of success and failure and being "ordinary", I really like what Eckart Tolle says about it:





....just in case you like that stuff too. - vital

Yeah I should really work on not letting other's words affect my life to such a degree that it actually ruins my mood. I think I let it affect me so much because on some level I agree with him that I'm a failure. Even though intellectually I know that's not the case, I know I can never really be a failure, I know I'm doing the best that I can right now, on some level I think I always wonder if I am living up to my full potential, and hearing someone say that to me really brought it up to the surface.
Thank you all for your kind responses!

Often people need to put others down in order to feel better about themselves. Some people enjoy hurting others. These are signs of THEIR shortcomings, not yours. If someone really had your best interests in mind, they would not purposely make you feel bad.

An ex is an ex for a reason. There comes a time when their opinion doesn't matter any more. Let them believe what they want. You know the truth. Be kind to yourself and don't let other's negativity get you down.