[IA_2809]

It's pretty likely you've found this kind of "advice" when you're in a low mood/crisis/etc. "You're focusing too much on negative aspects and blind to the joyful, positive things on life".

Thing is, what if you aren't actually blind on them? What if you can keep in mind the joy of, say, eating fresh fruit, getting a nice grade, watching a quality show, feeling the warmth of a person you care about, yet... even when you're in the middle of them you just think it doesn't really worths that much?

"You're responsible to build such a value onto them", "That's the part where you're being blind, in fact"... and what if has nothing to do with the values I put on them but I'm just hurt enough and tired? For example, I can go dive and delight myself watching the coral reefs while dying out of high pressure and lack of oxygen, yet there's this annoying voice telling me "it's all in your mind, you should value more this beautiful chance of seeing coral reefs that are going to disappear thanks to climate change"...

Don't know about you people, but when I say I'm tired and overwhelmed and I'm told such an answer like "you're not viewing things and your life in the correct way" I can't help but getting more frustrated (not against me but the answer I just heard), depressed than before. Sorry about the rant, but I'm emotionally exhausted of facing this, and I've given up on talking to most of people for being afraid to hear this again. Not because it's widely repeated makes it true, and I'm sure there are alternatives for handling this kind of moments.

[wa(o)rrior]

Hi Friend

I can very well relate to what you feel when am advised. the one thing that used to make me mad is when someone says " snap out of it". i tried so many things and when they didn't work out i become even more frustrated.

the fact is when you watch comedy you have to laugh. that's normal. but when you are depressed your mind is so clouded that you are unable to laugh or enjoy. i always blame this on brain chemicals. when they don't secrete you can't laugh or enjoy a comedy. for normal people it automatically secretes that they don't know what it's like to be devoid of these brain chemicals. sure they have sad moments but when they distract themselves they get these chemicals to get them out of the sadness. unfortunately we can't get enough of these brain chemicals.

everytime someone tries to uplift our mood we end up frustrated because we just can't. and our mind torments us with why we can't.

i struggled a lot because of this, thinking and trying everything that i came across. then i made peace with myself. i still try to find to fix but am not tormented in my mind.

when someone gives me advice i thank them for it and say am doing my best.

[vital]

Originally Posted by IA_2809

It's pretty likely you've found this kind of "advice" when you're in a low mood/crisis/etc. "You're focusing too much on negative aspects and blind to the joyful, positive things on life".

Thing is, what if you aren't actually blind on them? What if you can keep in mind the joy of, say, eating fresh fruit, getting a nice grade, watching a quality show, feeling the warmth of a person you care about, yet... even when you're in the middle of them you just think it doesn't really worths that much?

"You're responsible to build such a value onto them", "That's the part where you're being blind, in fact"... and what if has nothing to do with the values I put on them but I'm just hurt enough and tired? For example, I can go dive and delight myself watching the coral reefs while dying out of high pressure and lack of oxygen, yet there's this annoying voice telling me "it's all in your mind, you should value more this beautiful chance of seeing coral reefs that are going to disappear thanks to climate change"...

Don't know about you people, but when I say I'm tired and overwhelmed and I'm told such an answer like "you're not viewing things and your life in the correct way" I can't help but getting more frustrated (not against me but the answer I just heard), depressed than before. Sorry about the rant, but I'm emotionally exhausted of facing this, and I've given up on talking to most of people for being afraid to hear this again. Not because it's widely repeated makes it true, and I'm sure there are alternatives for handling this kind of moments.

Part of what makes depression SEEM powerful is your inability to talk or reason your way out of it. Nothing you say to yourself seems to help, so why should, talking to anyone else or talking to a therapist or repeating some slogan like "focus on the positive" make any difference? You can sense that this is true and, after a while, it adds to your sense of helplessness. If talking doesn't work, what option do you have other than taking drugs then?

I think that the key thing to realize is that this doesn't mean you're helpless. It's just that because the transition into depression is unconscious, it's much better to TRAIN your way out of it rather than trying to talk your way out of it. That's why slogans don't work, but something like "snap club":

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

or meditation (why not both?) are really promising ways to go in addition to working on all the very promising physical stuff ( see

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html )

- vital

[Fizzyo]

I relate to what you say, this advice is good as far as it goes. I am very good at valuing and enjoying the little things which can make me feel more positive. However, at times these things can't reach me. At these times I have to accept that emotions are there and neither good or bad (however painful) and I have the right to feel them. Depression is hard work! Sometimes it's ok to just BE and plod on accepting ourselves for who we are. I like the image of me as a person who experiences different emotions which I can stand back from and watch for a while, allowing them to flow through me. They don't define who or what I am. It's not easy and does not take them away but is more restful than fighting them all the time. I'm rambling and this is not meant to be more trite advice I just think there's a place to give ourselves a break for a while and be kind and compassionate to ourselves. You are strong to get this far, so you can go on.

[Clara22]

Enjoying little things and being grateful for what I have are exercises I often do and work. But what never works is people telling me I have to see the silver lining of things, or I have to think this and that or whatever. It just does not work to tell people what to do when they are depressed. On the contrary, we feel people dismiss our pain.
People tell me what to do all the time because I am a person with a disability and I have depression. What annoying!
Many times, people want to help, and they are genuinely concerned. That is why I try not to be abrupt or rough towards their unsolicited advice. Now I am trying to learn how to refuse their advice with respect and consideration, but it is not easy at all.
I send you a big hug

[Fizzyo]