[Nicoleresati]

I don't know exactly what it is. I reckon I am depressed, I was really bad a couple years ago to the point of almost attempting to commit suicide, but talked myself down. I haven't been that bad since . I also used to self harm because it made me feel accomplished I guess you could say, but not only that I did it because I could. I get mad a lot and hit thing usually I hit myself in the side of the face and curse myself because it is an immediate release and it's often over the most irrelevant things. I'm kind of at that point again where I'd rather not wake up. I'd be fine being absent, I've even considered turning to drugs to maybe live a little. I've monitored a lot of things I'd like to say and I guess this isn't much of a question, I'd just like an opinion.

[wa(o)rrior]

Hi Friend

please stop hurting yourself. you already suffer inner pain and turmoil, why do you need physical pain as well. go to a psychiatrist and get yourself anti-depressants instead of recreational drugs. anti-depressants can help you to calm down so that you can have clear mind. then you can look out for other options like therapy, exercise, meditation....

first remember that some brain chemicals are messing up and that's the reason you can't feel joy or pleasure and i want you to accept yourself. denial is going to increase your suffering and rage. be kind to yourself.

Originally Posted by Nicoleresati

I don't know exactly what it is. I reckon I am depressed, I was really bad a couple years ago to the point of almost attempting to commit suicide, but talked myself down. I haven't been that bad since . I also used to self harm because it made me feel accomplished I guess you could say, but not only that I did it because I could. I get mad a lot and hit thing usually I hit myself in the side of the face and curse myself because it is an immediate release and it's often over the most irrelevant things. I'm kind of at that point again where I'd rather not wake up. I'd be fine being absent, I've even considered turning to drugs to maybe live a little. I've monitored a lot of things I'd like to say and I guess this isn't much of a question, I'd just like an opinion.

don't turn to drugs.

that's not the answer

like was said above, seek out help.

that's what is a good start

[vital]

Originally Posted by Nicoleresati

I don't know exactly what it is. I reckon I am depressed, I was really bad a couple years ago to the point of almost attempting to commit suicide, but talked myself down. I haven't been that bad since . I also used to self harm because it made me feel accomplished I guess you could say, but not only that I did it because I could. I get mad a lot and hit thing usually I hit myself in the side of the face and curse myself because it is an immediate release and it's often over the most irrelevant things. I'm kind of at that point again where I'd rather not wake up. I'd be fine being absent, I've even considered turning to drugs to maybe live a little. I've monitored a lot of things I'd like to say and I guess this isn't much of a question, I'd just like an opinion.

Wouldn't it make sense to try known, likely to work, healthy things you can do that are known to help depression before considering drugs?

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

[Frankbtl]

Hi Nicoleresati, first of all.........amazing job talking yourself down in the past, and moving on to recovery!!!
That must have taken a lot of strength!!!
But as you must know depression can creep up on you and be so overwhelming and it sounds like you're struggling again now. Although kudos on speaking up about it and reaching out for help!!
And I wouldn't say that some of those things you're getting mad at are irrelevant, not at all. Your reaction to them is probably a sign of how hard you're finding things in your life
So..........are there any family members or friends who may be able to give you a bit more support?? Are there any things in your life that may need changing, or anywhere you could reduce a little pressure on yourself?? Any things you could start doing which may help a little e.g. activities (with or without others!!)??...........And anything/s that helped you last time around which you may be able to lean on again??
There may be no "quick fixes" but perhaps.........if there are any starting points which may help a little?? And naturally you're free to drop by here whenever you need support.
As for the SI, you know we've got a forum for that too, if it helps
But the "considering turning to drugs".........if you mean "street drugs"...........please don't!!
Sure, you may get temporary relief from some of them, but it will only be temporary and there can be so many bad sides to them too. Please don't go there.
Or if you're meaning prescribed drugs...............well if you need them.......absolutely!!
But there may be other options to explore first, other options which might gradually work just as well without needing to go down that route. So maybe start with trying some different things first?? I know it's really hard but hey, you've already shown you've got some serious strength and we're here for you too in this.

Alison