[Theoffone]

Background
I have never written about this before, but I guess it’s time. First I would like to introduce myself I am a 28 year old male who has been struggling with depression since I have my first memory. From an outsiders perspective my life would appear “perfect” from means which are supposed to create happiness in society. I am a homeowner, have a great relationship with an amazing girlfriend, have a great job, am very physically fit, and have a large variety of skills and hobbies.
I feel as though I am too intelligent which makes me very aware of the surroundings and manages to continually put me back in depression. I will use my job as an example and I have to be vague because I am a professional, I currently work in a good field under individuals with Dr. degrees. However I have found that my passion for what I do and practicing it myself has led me to have a much better understanding then my supervisors.
Because of this I have had to continually do things secretly against what I am told which have proven great results. For those of you wondering I am going for the Dr. as well so I do not have to do this anymore. I’m not sure it this is an off topic example but these things continuously happen with more then just that position and it was the best I could think of.
I have also owned a very successful company and secondary to that have had to learn how to get tasks done in a very efficient manner. This combination of intelligence and efficiency allows me to accomplish a lot in minimal time which is why I will be a business owner again.

The problem
The major problem I have is I am not a good fit with the rest of society, I am honest, extremely hard working, in great health, frugal, and live well below my means making me very financially stable. One thing I dread about going to work is the individuals below me can never can seem to complete their part of work making my life very difficult. When I complete their tasks for them something that takes them a half hour to complete will only take me five minutes.
The next issue I have is dealing with all the selfish individuals who will do anything to get ahead including lying. This seems to be most people in this society and just the thought of having to deal with these annoying irrational individuals make me want to lie in the middle of an expressway. Also I am a very encouraging individual towards others but it seems anytime I want to express an idea all people can seem to do is try to hinder it.

What I’ve tried
Exercise seems to be the only method of providing any relief, I have to work out in the morning before I go out in public. The other form of relief I get is from helping others whether it’s at work or getting the neighborhood kid set up for college because he has no other motivators. I have no value in material possessions all I want is to live cheaply so I do not have to worry about finances which is one less to worry about. I am also a Christian although am currently not practicing as I should but it has always been difficult for me to relax and read or pray so I usually walk and pray.



The result
I do not understand what compels people to breed and continue this life, it’s a horrible society and I want out. I cannot think about the next annoying individual I will have to deal with, all I want to do is live cheaply and get through this life. I do not want my own family but I will be helping youth, I say having your own kids is selfish because if your intelligent you can make more of an impact on 50 lives vs. 2 or 3, I would say im already at 50.
I am just very confused and want to be done with this life, it’s almost been thirty years and I am still struggling with the same issues. I have future plans but they are only an attempt to keep my occupied and out of a state of depression. If I type anymore it will be rambling, I am curious to see any responses.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hello TheOffOne,

It's great to see you here at PsychCentral. Thanks for your first post, although I'm sorry to hear about the circumstances around which you post.

Depression can feel crippling and sap our inner core; and I'm sorry that for you this has been something that has gone on for absolute ages.

You have good morals and I like the adjectives you used to describe yourself - especially the word "honest". I value honesty above all else in others. I wouldn't necessarily be tempted to buckle because others don't see your virtues.

You've listed some great strategies that you have tried with regards to treating or attempting to manage the depression.

Just know that we are here to support you - please feel free to post as much or as little as you like.

[longtime]

See a good psychiatrist.

[avlady]

i'm sorry you feel this way, it is disturbing to me because you're everything i would want to be myself. im poor, disabled, from accidents, and wish i could lead a productive life even if it meant only a menial job. i understand you probably are just disappointed with people as your standards are too high for them. you are a good person and should be enjoying your life, easier said than done although. good luck