[trashking]

I hate being in the showers because it gives me too much time to reflect. I could be having a nice time but whwn i get under the water, it just attacks me...i sit in the shower and every bad thought i could get,i do. Those moments i hate others, i hate myself. I get very bitter and angry and sad and just want to scratch myself until i have welts and marks but i bite my nails. So i can't...i just want to so i wouldn't scar or bleed but i could just..hurt
I feel like that would releive me but i know it wont and it never does. I get all these guilty and depressed feeling s in the shower about my life and i wish it would stop.
To make matters more painful for me, when i told my mom i was emotional pain, she asked why and i said "a lot of things" becUse it's true. I have many things that I'm depressed about and some of thwm are deeply personal and i didn't wish to share them. She said "name one" and first off that belittles my problems. I hate when my parents do that it just makes me hate myself more for fweling sorry for myself in the first place...so i answer "i guess a problem with how i don't look...like i want.." and she shrugged me off and told me i had a nice body and that i was pretty and that's nice but IT HURTS. it hurts to have my parents ****ing sHrug my pain off like that. That wasn't even the problem that was hurting me. I was upset for many reasons but the main, was a person, and that's childish too but let me. I just. I'm a teenager. I'm going to be heartbroken over lost loves especially one i can't get the fu k over no matter what i do. Then i get to the shower and everything is justm...so much worse. I hate myself, i hate him, i hate that i can't be loved that nothing i say matters, i hate his stupid girlfriend he never shuts up about i just want to never ****ing deal with this and most of all i hate how disgusting i am. I just hate myself and others a lot. I'm sorry. I'm very tired of struggling with all the hate and depression(for many reasons but lately it's been romance involved.) just to be happy.

[healingme4me]

I had a friend, a really good close friend, that we shared about ourselves so much that I felt I was developing more than fondness. Yet, he lived far away. He'd start talking about his dating life and it felt worse and worse because similar to what you say, he'd never shut up about her(s)..added an s because there were several. Until I finally decided, that I cannot go on like this. It's unfair to me, AND unfair to any relationship he was to have. Because there was soooo much energy invested and how could he go on to give the next woman (who happens to be his new wife) what she deserves, all of him, not part of him. It freed me, emotionally to become ready for a relationship...

[Fizzyo]