tired of feeling wrong

Its like everyday I feel like a ghost, a shadow of my former self. I know most people feel the same way but I'm tired. I've tried meds, I've tried group, I've tried talking but nothing works longer than a month in a half. I mean for a little while I feel okay, but not normal, not like I used to feel before everything became so crappy. The only time I feel normal is when I'm high and I can't waste all my money doing that for the rest of my life. The other day I actually felt like my old self but I had to get super stoned to feel like that. I don't mind spending my life high but I really can't afford it. I know I'm not legally supposed to smoke weed but I just have to so I can feel normal. I'm doing illegal stuff and its all that helps. I'm going deeper into the darkness and the worst part is I'm ready to just say f it and go off the deep end. I'm just tired of living like this. I guess things would be easier with out me sometimes. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Sorry jman you are feeling of not feeling good. As you know self medication is an imprecise to tell how much to use and is often a major contributor to depression after the high has worn off.

There are lifestyle changes you can try that might help.

Diet can have an affect on how we feel. I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Here is what I use when my head gets over crammed with thoughts. Breathe in a natural way. Silently count one on the inhale and 2 on the exhale. 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 then go back to 1. This helps me focus on breathing rather than the wall of thoughts.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

I don't have experience with weed, but I doubt that's a good solution and you probably realize that already. The usual problem with drugs instead of doing healthy things is that oppositional tolerance makes the benefit you get go down over time.

I think I know some of how you feel. I was in bad shape for a long long long long time. After a while, you don't really expect anything to help much since nothing has helped for so long. I know it's hard to believe, but depression is a really a paper tiger. You seemingly can't escape because it gets into you via an unconscious process. Because it's unconscious, you don't have a direct way to control it and that's what makes it seem powerful. However, it's actually easy to affect by training, at least in many situations. If this interests you, here are some notes

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

and what I think is the best general plan:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

Check for the physical stuff. MDs often don't, and if you happen to have, for instance, a massive vitamin D deficiency, you're just not going to be feeling good just because of that.

How about letting us know how it's going? Even if you're feeling terrible, a bit of chatting on this web site might make a difference too.

- vital

jman197, i was like you back in the days when i took drugs to overcome my depression, i'm not a junkie tho, but sometimes i use drugs just to let myself out of depression, and yes we need money for that, glad i'm away from drugs now, i dont feel the urge to use drugs anymore when i'm depressed. we're not legally supposed to do drugs, but we do what we have to do at that time, we could do stupid things, if we still breathing afterwards it means we strong enough to pass the darkest hours, if i gave up then, maybe i wouldn't be here right now. i'm still depressed today, my suicidal thoughts is killing me, i'm still trying to find a way, you'll find a way too soon or later.