[blinkbabe1822]

Depression seems to Have been the main theme of my life for the last several months. I had a major depressive episode in November of last year that nearly cost me my job and my relationship. After that, I wrote a paper on depression and my experiences and submitted it to a university as an application request. While waiting to hear if we were accepted, my boyfriends best friend, his brother and his most favorite person in the world committed suicide (I'll call him Jack). It completely tore my boyfriend apart. He hasn't been able to keep a job and has been trying to overcome a major depressive episode of his own. I've had to be the strong one these last long few months and I can't pretend I haven't become exhausted, physically and mentally. What's worse is I haven't been able to find many people to confide in since we moved back to my boyfriend's (we'll just call him Robert) hometown. I feel torn apart by guilt, being slightly jealous of the endless support Robert has gotten since he reached out to social media about his struggles. I've felt a little trapped in our relationship,and too scared that if I tell him I want it to end he won't have a reason to live. I also feel horrible that I've even considered leaving him when he's having such a hard time. I missed work today because I was just so tired of everything and I can't help but feel more alone than ever. My best friend (we'll call her Sasha) was Jack's girlfriend so she's been dealing with her own struggles and I just can't seem to bring myself to bother either Sasha or Robert with my troubles. I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose my job, I'm always worrying and exhausted. I've set up a consultation with a therapist on Sunday but if she can't be flexible about prices I can't afford to see her. Sorry to rant to all of you I just haven't been able to talk to anyone about all of this. I wasn't as close to Jack as a lot of people here were so I don't want to seem like I need attention or make anyone think I'm trying to make things about me. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball alone and cry.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry for all you are going through. I'm glad you were able to come here and let some of it out. It helps to talk things out and PC is a great place to do it.

I hope that the therapist can work something out with you regarding cost because I think you could really benefit from a one on one session.

Take care.

[Fuzzybear]

[Kaylord]

Hey Blink,

I cant imagine what you are going through. Being the strong one and fighting your own depression is hard enough, let alone trying to help someone else through theirs.

I wish I had some magic words, or an easy answer for you. All I can do is suggest a few things that have slightly helped me.

1. Find some sort of a hobby. I know this is way easier said than done, seeing as finding the motivation to find a hobby can be a chore of its own, but believe me, it will help.
(I started making jewelry. I also play bingo...because I'm 28 going on 80, lol.)

2. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF! If you need alone time, don't feel guilty! Pain is not a comparison. Just because "Robert" is going through a lot right now, doesn't mean that you aren't!

I wish you the very best!

I'm glad that you are going to talk to a therapist. Maybe she will have some ideas to help you in addition to one-on-one therapy.

Your situation sounds emotionally draining and exhausting.

You don't sound at all as if you're trying to make the situation all about you. You just sound as though you're dealing with your part of the situation, and it's difficult.

Living with someone who has had a trauma in their life and is struggling to deal with it is tough. There are self-help books and support groups for the person who has experienced the trauma, but I would imagine that you feel like you're sort of on your own in dealing with your feelings and with your boyfriend's needs.

I found this link to an essay written by the boyfriend of a woman who had experienced childhood sexual abuse: Living with a victim of childhood sexual abuse I read it, and I thought some of the things he said might be helpful to you. I hope you don't mind that I included it.

These forums are a good place to talk about your feelings and to see how other people are attempting to deal with their problems. I hope you'll find them helpful.

[blinkbabe1822]

I really appreciate this support and advice from all of you. The hugs, links and compassion really made an impact and got me through the next few days I can't thank you guys enough