how to distinguish depression and grief

I had a stretch of a few good weeks then about 2 weeks ago I noticed my mood was sinking. Being the pessimist that I am I figured it was depression creeping back into my daily life. But I saw my T yesterday and she thinks it is grief from my cat that died in April (she was almost 19 and lived a good life). I recently adopted a cat and my T thinks this has brought up the grief issue.

Does this make sense? I'm taking all my meds as directed. My pdoc says grief is a real thing and time will heal it. I was hoping it was depression and a med change could help. Grief seems even more hopeless.

Thanks

I am sorry for the loss of your cat, but happy for the new addition to your family. It must be hard to see a bright spunky cat and know this is not your friend of 19 years. The relationships of new pets is not the same usually. They cannot replace an old friend.

Grief is something that can be faced and dealt with. It is not a condemnation but a chance to commemorate that relationship and come to terms with the loss of that friend. It takes time but it can heal. What is so difficult about grief, is that we are not taught how to grieve in a healthy way so we can accumulate unmet grief in life so every new loss brings out all the old losses we have yet to reconcile ourselves too. This inviting grief and facing it can also deepen our experience in therapy as well but tuning us in to the things we have avoided during our lives, but need to face sometime.

To me there is no pill that will make me happy, stable yes, but happy no. So when I get fairly stable, I have had to create my own happiness by taking on new challenges in my life like exercise and yoga, mindfulness and volunteering, and just being more involved with life.

Thanks CANDC. Several weeks ago I started volunteering one evening per week at the shelter that my new cat came from.
You're right - my new cat Oliver (7 years old) is a lot more spunky then Chip was as she got older. It's been a while since I've had a furry friend as an alarm clock.

Hi Catnip. I'm not sure how you'd be able to know, right at this moment, whether you are dealing with grief or depression. Did you do anything specific to commemorate the death of your cat?

I have found photos to be helpful in the past when dealing with grief. It can feel a bit like "wallowing in it" by looking at lots of photos of the person or companion animal that you have lost, but it does bring out lots of feelings.

Also, if there are other people who share some of your memories of your cat, talking to them about those memories can be helpful too.

I think it's wonderful that you have adopted another cat. I used to volunteer at an animal rescue and I always loved it when someone came through the door and said "I recently lost my cat/dog, and I want to adopt one to honor his/her memory."

Usually if someone adopts another animal within a few months of their loss, that means that they have dealt with their loss well. It's when you hear people say "Oh, I loved my dog so much...he died 5 years ago. I still miss him so much. I could never have another dog." To me, that says unresolved grief or fear of being hurt again.

If you look at pics of your cat that died and are able to smile through your tears, I'd say that you have dealt with your grief well. There may be some "aftershocks" from seeing the new cat in your household, but if that's what's going on, I wouldn't expect it to last long.

And by the way, good for you for adopting an older cat.

I didn't do anything special to commemorate my cat Chip. I have a lot of pictures of her though. My parents have helped me remember good things about her.
My new cat is all black and has a disability. He was shot when he was a kitten and his right front leg was badly damaged. He's not in any pain, but he limps significantly because his right front leg is about an inch shorter than his left front leg. It doesn't slow him down - he handles the stairs with no problem and runs around fine.

How about a couple of photos of your new kitty? - vital

I'm sorry to hear about your cat. It is possible to still be having some grief of the loss. Nineteen years is a long time to have a close bond, it would be normal to still feel grief, even with the new kitty. Your counselor can probably tell better than you can if you have been seeing her for a while. I would take her advise. That doesn't mean that a med change couldn't help things get back to normal.