[Onyx999]

will be long...

I left my home in So. Cal 2 1/2 years ago in search of a better life. After a year on the east coast didn't work out, I came to Houston. Here it is easier to find a job. However, other things are harder. I'm a road cyclist and used to be very active. USED to be. I now work in a bike shop because I have been unable to find a professional gig to match my skills. So I support myself in a very very very blue collar arena. I've heard racist, sexist and homophobic language and been exposed to ideas and utterances that would have seen many a fool fired back home. Don't get me wrong, there's no seriously overt ****, but it's still there. the "benefits" provided by this company are that in name only. They are obviously the bare minimum they have to provide by law. I used to stock up on my meds back home by getting them filled 3 months at a time, but this crap insurance won't pay for that. So I have to keep going back to the pharmacy every month. STUPID!!!!

I'm forced to tool around on my mountain bike on short rides on the greenbelt trails because there's no bike lanes on the street like I'm used to. I convinced myself when I got here in Jan. 14 that it would be worth it so long as I got a good job and beefed up my resume. Well, despite a couple of close calls, still no prof. job. I'm damned tired of it. all. My depression got worse out here. I got behind on my bills because of crap pay so now my credit is shot. I had really good credit before I left home.

I'm now going to move in with a room mate. She seems nice, but I'm not a kid in college. I should not have to do this.

If I see another confederate flag, I may go to jail. Who flies that crap anymore. It's a slap in the face.

I'm tired of seeing news about police 2 major screw ups in this great state, where members of my community end up traumatized or dead because their training sucks. But I guess you get what you pay for don't you? See cops where i'm from are usually well educated and well compensated. They aren't trying to lose their job over stupid ****.

****ing mosquitoes. mutha****ers!!!!!

My car is old and needs to be replaced, but see the above complaint, no money.

I now have Adult ADD. So now I'm on yet another pill. I will say this, I am more focused. Let's hope it helps me get my life together.

My mother wants me to move back home wiht her to CA and start a Masters program. What's wrong with that you ask? Well 10 years ago, I would have thought it an excellent idea. But now, I'm mid 40s, and the thought of taking on school debt that may not pay off, scares me shitless. I'm also terrified that I no longer really have a future. I'm in good physical health, but whos to say employers will want to take a chance on someone close to 50 even with a Masters?

Have I mentioned rednecks and mosquitoes?

I walk into places like HEB and cant' get a quick vegetarian sandwich. WHAT YEAR IS THIS??????

Just shoot me now.

[Wysteria]

Hey Onyx...
Rants allowed and we try really hard not to judge...live in Texas too and you kind of picked the worst place to live for someone with your sensibilities.. I CAN NOT stand Houston or anything it stands for...BUT Austin has a very progressive culture, lots of bike trails and nature and 'hills'...(it's Texas) and much more friendly and a big college town with music and it's the capital so you find a little bit of everything. Lots of great music and bars downtown, more laid back etc.

I KNOW this doesn't help you right now after you just moved, but I thought if maybe I planted a seed, you could see that there are much better places to grow some roots, maybe take some classes, get healthy, lots of bike clubs, more progresssive etc. Just hoping you'll check it out and if nothing else start looking around for a better fit for your likes and disikes and maybe even after a time be able to take some classes "in state" tuition...(don't know rules, sorry). But at least some place to visit and start to make some friends etc. At least think a little about it when you get a chance. I know exactly what it is like getting stuck in a place/town/city that you just don't like...don't get stuck...

Gentle hugs and best wishes on your path to healing...pedal on...

Wys

[Fuzzybear]

[Georgia Bridge]

Them's sound like people I been around seems all my life. I just took comfort in that I wasn't like them. Though I did get my head shot at from off of my neighbors' confederate flag-flying property nigh on 4 yrs. ago now. Driving in Houston is way too terrifying for me.

[pegasus]

Hello Onyx999, I liked your rant. It occured to me that you need to move back to the place you love, that doesn't mean you have to do the Masters program thing. Maybe seriously look into moving back, getting a job back there, you seemed happier...

[Onyx999]

Trust me I want to move back. But I moved because my home state was hit very very hard by the recession. It's come back a little in the last 2 1/2 years, but there are more jobs available -at least by listings- for people like me with my degree and experience. The cost of living is also lower. I keep going back and forth.

My mother, also had another mild stroke a few days ago, so she's in physical rehab. she has some slight right side weakness she's working on. She was going to be my room mate in the interim while I tried to find a job and pursued the Masters. So that's a kink in both our plans. She is still stuck in NOVA. She was planning to leave and go back to So. Cal and I was going to join her.

She is still planning to do that, but I'm unsure about whether she will be be up to it by the end of Oct. she's actually had several small strokes over the past 4 years, with no real physical outward evidence of it. But she is 75, her luck will not hold out forever.

As for me, ever since I left home in Jan. 2013 life has beaten she **** out of me. I left with a good credit score, which has gradually been whittled away because of bad low paying jobs, growing depression and a job that doesn't pay what I was told it would pay. I was stable for years since my depression diagnoses in 2005. I started having more bad depressive episodes when I left home. I just can't figure out what I"m doing wrong. I try and try to get a professional job and I just never make it. It's been years now. I no longer care about much or have any goals. I'm starting to really not care.

[Wysteria]

Originally Posted by Onyx999

Trust me I want to move back. But I moved because my home state was hit very very hard by the recession. It's come back a little in the last 2 1/2 years, but there are more jobs available -at least by listings- for people like me with my degree and experience. The cost of living is also lower. I keep going back and forth.

My mother, also had another mild stroke a few days ago, so she's in physical rehab. she has some slight right side weakness she's working on. She was going to be my room mate in the interim while I tried to find a job and pursued the Masters. So that's a kink in both our plans. She is still stuck in NOVA. She was planning to leave and go back to So. Cal and I was going to join her.

She is still planning to do that, but I'm unsure about whether she will be be up to it by the end of Oct. she's actually had several small strokes over the past 4 years, with no real physical outward evidence of it. But she is 75, her luck will not hold out forever.

As for me, ever since I left home in Jan. 2013 life has beaten she **** out of me. I left with a good credit score, which has gradually been whittled away because of bad low paying jobs, growing depression and a job that doesn't pay what I was told it would pay. I was stable for years since my depression diagnoses in 2005. I started having more bad depressive episodes when I left home. I just can't figure out what I"m doing wrong. I try and try to get a professional job and I just never make it. It's been years now. I no longer care about much or have any goals. I'm starting to really not care.

Good luck Onyx. I'm very sorry to hear about your mom and hope PT will bring her to full healing very soon. Also hope you can both realize your dreams and potential as quickly as possible...i hear your frustration and feeling 'trapped' is no much good for you or her. Best wishes for you both..
Hugs,
Wys

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[Blues47]

Originally Posted by Wysteria

I CAN NOT stand Houston or anything it stands for...BUT Austin has a very progressive culture, lots of bike trails and nature and 'hills'...(it's Texas) and much more friendly and a big college town with music and it's the capital so you find a little bit of everything. Lots of great music and bars downtown, more laid back etc.

Funny I was going to mention Austin too...lived there for a while and it's definitely more So Cal friendly than Houston.