[Shan__]

I'm honestly at the point now where I don't care what happens to me and basically the only reason I'm still here is to see if my sexual assault case from January of this year is going to trial or not. So after being assaulted again everything has come crashing down again. I was assaulted when I was 5 but both my parents assumed I'd forgotten so up until about a year and a half ago I was dealing with it by myself until my sister in law heard me having a nightmare. At first I tried telling her I was fine but I knew that was a lie. I finally started seeing a psychologist at my school last year who I genuinely felt comfortable with but then a few months ago she got moved to a different school so I've been passed around to at least 3 other professionals in the last six months, none of which I've felt as comfortable with as that previous psych. I od'd in April which I know wasn't a good thing to do but I so badly just wanted the pain to end.

There have been other things in between such as domestic violence with both my parents and having to go into 3 different refuges, eating disorders that I thought I had under control but have started to get bad again because I feel like I have no control of what's happening in my life and other things that I can't even begin to explain. I've struggled with self harm and am currently 20 days clean but I feel like I'm gonna relapse any day now. I blame myself for so much even though I know a lot of it isn't my fault. I have such high expectations for how I think I should be handling all this. I'm living in constant fear and only leave the house if I have to, I have trouble trusting people and every time I think things can't get any worse, something else happens to bring me to a new rock bottom. I don't really know what to expect from being on this site but I didn't really know what else to do because I feel like a huge burden to everyone in my life

Originally Posted by Shan__

I'm honestly at the point now where I don't care what happens to me and basically the only reason I'm still here is to see if my sexual assault case from January of this year is going to trial or not. So after being assaulted again everything has come crashing down again. I was assaulted when I was 5 but both my parents assumed I'd forgotten so up until about a year and a half ago I was dealing with it by myself until my sister in law heard me having a nightmare. At first I tried telling her I was fine but I knew that was a lie. I finally started seeing a psychologist at my school last year who I genuinely felt comfortable with but then a few months ago she got moved to a different school so I've been passed around to at least 3 other professionals in the last six months, none of which I've felt as comfortable with as that previous psych. I od'd in April which I know wasn't a good thing to do but I so badly just wanted the pain to end.

There have been other things in between such as domestic violence with both my parents and having to go into 3 different refuges, eating disorders that I thought I had under control but have started to get bad again because I feel like I have no control of what's happening in my life and other things that I can't even begin to explain. I've struggled with self harm and am currently 20 days clean but I feel like I'm gonna relapse any day now. I blame myself for so much even though I know a lot of it isn't my fault. I have such high expectations for how I think I should be handling all this. I'm living in constant fear and only leave the house if I have to, I have trouble trusting people and every time I think things can't get any worse, something else happens to bring me to a new rock bottom. I don't really know what to expect from being on this site but I didn't really know what else to do because I feel like a huge burden to everyone in my life

you've been through so much

i'm so sorry..

i hope your stay here at PC proves valuable. lots of supportive people here

[Fuzzybear]

I too regret that you've been through so much, you'll find many genuine people here who have also been through so much and who care and who can relate.

I send you love.

[Shan__]

Thank you, I appreciate it.