No problem…and I have the pictures to prove it

After all the MRIs, scans, etc. I have nothing physically wrong with my brain.
FANTASTIC!

ECT treatments – “Maybe some short term memory loss”
FINE!

Now, where are the last 20+ years of my life?
I don’t remember my oldest son’s graduation.
I don’t remember my own wedding. (Second marriage)
I don’t remember the birth of our youngest son.
I don’t remember his first day of kindergarten.
I don’t remember my oldest son’s wedding.
I don’t remember little league games, bowling tournaments, tours with the Kids Helping Kids singers.
I don’t remember my youngest son’s high school graduation or graduation from nuclear power school.

NOTHING
it’s all gone. Our house is filled with awards, certificates and trophies. NOTHING. I've been through all the photos but they are just flat pieces of paper. NO memories, NO smiles, NO laughter, NO feelings.

I helped support my family - computers, data analysis, marketing…all gone. I have computer software and equipment costing thousands now worthless.

Can’t type without looking at my fingers. After months of practice I still can’t remember where the question mark is or that the exclamation mark is the shift key and number 1.
jr;;p is "hello" without looking.

I use to sew costumes for shows, quilts, dolls and clothes. Now, I can’t even thread a needle (meds make my hands shake). The $2000 sewing machine sits in the corner gathering dust.

“Don’t be concerned with the past.”
“Start building new memories.”
“Think positive”
B___ S___, B___ S___, B___ S___

I’m angry, frustrated, disillusioned, and discouraged.
Your memories influence whom and what you are, how you feel, what you think.
I HAVE NOTHING.

I’m tired and yes, I WANT TO END THIS PAIN.

i am sorry you are so sad .. i dunno what to say, but *hugs* if ok ...

i would be jdklfjsdlkfjsdlkfjd if i were u too....

How long ago were your treatments?

I too am sorry.... I hear it gets better with time... ??

I am so sorry that the health system has failed you keb. Hugs and hugs.

((((((((((((((((kebs)))))))))))))))

dont know what to say other than this must be so frustrating,

Keb 6137!!!

Just had to put it in your PM !!!

Thank you all (dsf, sg, w2f, kath, and mpl)

Sometimes I just need to vent
Thanks again for listening

I'm sorry sweetie!

(((((((((((Keb)))))))))))

(((((((((((((keb)))))))))))))))

im so sorry that you cant remember all the good things
its so very very sad

Unilateral or Bilateral?

I had the same treatment - it was unilateral. I was desperate for something to help with my depression. I didn't finish the course of treatments, though. I freaked out in the hospital as I was so disoriented, so they let me leave (???)

I lost memory, although most were recent memories, I think. It seemed to have frustrated those around me more than it did me, because, well, I didn't remember them!

I was told it would not affect ones memory to that degree. It must be very difficult to come to terms with such a great loss.

I just had an idea, which may be fun. Have those who were there with you through these times (and you trust) to revisit these memories for you. It may not bring the originals back, but it may provide a new and wonderful experience for you and your family to revisit them.

Just a thought...

Thanks TimeO and Bronee for the kind thoughts. I really appreciate it.

AS, I had bilateral. Thanks for the suggestion about talking with family. Both my sons will be in town in about 2 weeks. The oldest just celebrated is 20th wedding anniv. and the youngest is getting married June 9th. What better time to discuss old times than at a family reunion.

Thanks again to you all.