No future

I spoke with my T last week telling her that could no longer see a future for myself. I don't know if anyone understands this, but I think that there's a point in your life where you can see things happening for your future. For example, you see yourself bring your own home, getting married, having children etc. I had dreams and believed when I was younger that these things would happen for me. Now that I'm older (and what I believe to be wiser), I can't see any of these things happening.
My T asked me what I had done to change this, which of course was not much. I have a willfullness for some reason to not change. I think the biggest part of it is that I'm scared if I I do try to make those changes, they won't work out like everything else in my life and all that hope and energy will be for nothing.
At any rate, I'm feeling very down tonight, I could just use some support.

About a year ago my life felt like it came to a stop. All my plans disappeared pretty quickly. I lost the place I was living in, my fiance, and my job. For a while now it feels like I've been treading water. Not doing anything, and failing to move on. I went to a programming boot camp, and couldn't make it because my depression got in the way. At times I feel like I have no future, but... I'm still trying to hold on. Why I may not have made it through the programming boot camp, they where very understanding, and said I can come back.

This school has given me some sort of goal to reach for. I mean I think it is kinda crazy that I'm trying to learn programming. Is there something you can reach for? I mean for to do this was kind of random. I just went with something.

I know how I feel when I think it was all for nothing. Someone told me recently,"Don't tell someone how they should feel. Ask them how do they feel." That is why I want to ask you how are feeling. I know your down but why do you feel there is no future?

hi Shamon

The thing is that we cannot predict the future. So the things you want to happen may well do so. Perhaps the thing to do would be to draw up a plan with the potential to make some of them happen. And then break the plan down into small baby steps, taking them one at a time. And as you move forward confidence will grow. Thinking back about things you have done and achieved will remind you that you can be successful. Perhaps an idea would be to discuss with your therapist and draw up a plan to make some of these things happen. And then in other sessions go over with her many difficulties you have in implementing it. Take care. I hope and pray you have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

Hi Shamon86,

If you think about the big issues in your life, they will probably tend to go round and round in your head and end up actually contributing to your depression. I like what francisR was saying about concentrating on tiny steps. I think that something close to this is actually the core of most depressions. Have a look at these notes and see if they help you:

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

There is a very simple thing you can do that can be very empowering and a great way to start on your healing path. This can sometimes cause a sudden dramatic improvement.

- vital

I guess I feel like I have no future because I have nothing to look forward to. I feel so bad and HURT SO MUCH. My T and I are trying to come up with a plan to slowly incorporate things to make positive changes in my life. She says I'm not giving these positive changes enough time to make myself feel better. She's right of course. My mind had become programmed to think negatively airways. And this only makes my depression worse and I have no one to blame but myself. I am making myself this way, I'm making it worse, I'm making everything worse.

Me, too. Moral support is all I can offer at the moment.

It sounds like you and your T have got a lot of insight already. I'd really encourage you to look at those notes in my previous post and show them to your T. They have been used for real patients at a Hospital here and it can be a really effective and very easy way to re-program yourself.

- vital