[StillIntending]

...is that a thing people should do?

I realized recently that there is a whole month or so of my life that I rarely think about or look back on at all. I realized that I have done this because somehow, the memory of that month is still painful for me to remember, even though I have experienced worse things since then and can think about those with relative ease. There's something special about this one month in particular that I guess I must be scared of, and I don't know if I should explore it or not.

Is it better to "exist in the present," and not linger on the past? Or is it better to face an apparent fear and untangle the messiness of the memories?

[ninetyone]

That's a really tough question... I think it depends on the person and situation. Personally, I would rather explore and eventually come to terms with the memory than let it go completely. But then again, my idea of letting it go was pretending it wasn't even a big deal... but it absolutely was. If you do decide to push it aside, don't downplay your emotions during the event or even pretend like it never occurred at all. I'm sure it is possible to move on from memories in a healthy way, though.

[francisR]

hi StillIntending

I think if you feel that this difficult month is influencing your life at the present it is useful to explore it. And having explored it. You will no longer be afraid of it. Perhaps it would be best to do this with a therapist for support.
But you are right in saying that lingering in the past is unhelpful. It is functioning the best we can in the present that is important. Take care. I hope and pray today will be really good for you. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[Tauren]

That's a good question. My opinion is that if you know how the memory is affecting you, you should focus on moving on from it. If you don't understand what it's doing to you, you should spend more time dealing with it.

[StillIntending]

Originally Posted by ninetyone

That's a really tough question... I think it depends on the person and situation. Personally, I would rather explore and eventually come to terms with the memory than let it go completely. But then again, my idea of letting it go was pretending it wasn't even a big deal... but it absolutely was. If you do decide to push it aside, don't downplay your emotions during the event or even pretend like it never occurred at all. I'm sure it is possible to move on from memories in a healthy way, though.

Hey, fun story, "stuffing it" is my parents' primary way of dealing with negative emotion. That hasn't worked out too well for them and trying to emulate them is probably what threw me into this depression I'm fighting now. Accepting emotions is a big deal for me now, because it has to be. Because if I don't consciously focus on it, my instinct is to cover it up and let it fester inside me.


Thanks all. I realized shortly after posting this why I think that one month in particular still affects me the much. There was a misunderstanding that I didn't get straightened out until early the next month, and even though both of us apologized to each other and we're trying to make sure that what happened then will never happen again, I guess the emotions are still there. I don't really know what to do with this leftover emotion, since the matter was closed in my favor already, and months ago. I don't know why the emotion is still there at all, and if certainly don't know what to do with it. Do I just let it be? The matter is closed now so this isn't impacting my present. I don't really like the idea of leaving an area of my life that I don't like to think about when there's still emotion attached to it, but I guess it doesn't really matter and isn't worth getting myself worked up over?