[LazarusLong]

The first time I told my wife I was suicidal, she got mad at me and hollered "You can't leave me with all this", meaning the problems I was trying to escape would then become hers.

Several years later when I was suicidal again, she made two jokes regarding me killing myself. The first was to make sure my life insurance was paid up. The first one shocked me so much that I still can't remember the second.

She has provided some support at other times and I love her. She has explained herself for these incidents and I accept her rationale (basically she admits that she's afraid plus she doesn't know how to comfort people). But I don't know how to forgive her and move on.

What does forgiveness look like for a non-spiritual person like myself?

Lazarus

[BBB2]

I think that the process and act of forgiveness is the same for all people, religious or not.

It's not always easy to forgive someone. It can be hard work and takes time. Sometimes its a journey of taking one step forward and two steps back.

Sometimes you have to keep on forgiving someone over and over again for a single indiscretion. Perhaps every day, week, month, however long.

I think that you can forgive someone, but still feel hurt and angry. Perhaps be completely honest with your wife.

Edit: I hope you'll excuse me for typing this also, but your wife may need to forgive you for being suicidal. It's never a person's fault for being suicidal, but it leaves family members scared. Forgiveness is a journey and process needed to be taken by everyone. I'm sorry, I just mean to say that she may understand how it can be difficult to move on. I hope I haven't been too stupid or offense.

[BBB2]

I'm sorry for my post. I haven't said anything of use and I'm worried I may have upset you. Please excuse me. I can't collect my thoughts properly.
I hope someone can give you better insight than me.
Sorry.

[LazarusLong]

BBB2,
No worries. Thank you for your insight into my wife's view. After I think about this some more and talk to my T, I will discuss with wife. Again no offense taken.

Lazarus

[GOOD2B]

Originally Posted by LazarusLong

The first time I told my wife I was suicidal, she got mad at me and hollered "You can't leave me with all this", meaning the problems I was trying to escape would then become hers.

Several years later when I was suicidal again, she made two jokes regarding me killing myself. The first was to make sure my life insurance was paid up. The first one shocked me so much that I still can't remember the second.

She has provided some support at other times and I love her. She has explained herself for these incidents and I accept her rationale (basically she admits that she's afraid plus she doesn't know how to comfort people). But I don't know how to forgive her and move on.

What does forgiveness look like for a non-spiritual person like myself?

Lazarus

I would agree with BBB2, forgiveness is the same for all. At least the same process for all. I do think that people that have a level of spirituality have an easier time forgiving, or at least an understanding of it more fully as it is the basis of their belief system; whether they are good at it or not, or whether it is easier for them is really a different matter. If you want to get better at it, so some introspection as to how others have forgiven you. Again, easier for a spiritual person in my opinion as they are constantly seeking forgiveness from a higher power, God, etc... that is forgiving. So, it is a reference point that provides a level of clarity maybe... not sure.

I worked for years in the mental health field. What I found is that people that have or deal with emotional health matters have a difficult time. And, by that, I am including myself. Realize some are just more emotionally healthy. I don't get it. I think alot of it really is genetics however. And, thats hard to understand sometimes for those without problems like ours. It is easy to fix a broken arm... its more difficult to fix what is inside.

I have found in my life the best remedy for my difficult times is too find someone in a worse spot than myself, and provide them some support. Service, imho, is a great remedy and helps me to be more gentle and forgiving to the world.