[HerOdyssey]

I know I'm new, and I'm posting a lot, but I've been bottled up for a few weeks. I would like to rant a bit about the way people tend to perceive people with depression, and to grumble a bit about the 'get over it' attitude.

I get really frustrated with my family and friends who have such a hard time understanding that this way I feel is not voluntary; and that it's a disease. Even my husband succumbs to that attitude sometimes; asking me why I 'dwell on those bad things'. It really hurts my feelings that I get dismissed so quickly as being a whiner or whatever because of this oppressive sadness i have to fight every day.

I want credit damnit! How would these people cope with constant self-censure, an imposing sense of hopelessness and low-grade sadness day after day? With images of suicide and all those 'lovely' things; how would *they* cope? It's A LOT to deal with. A LOT, and I think it takes a lot more strength for people with depression to function in this world than it does for those for whom normalcy comes naturally.

I'm not weak! None of us are, and I'm tired of the insensitive remarks, and the dismissive and belittling attitudes people have against mental illness. We can't help it, and heck if we're doing our best to cope with it. We fill ourselves with medications, subject our most private humiliations to therapists, and try like hell to get by.

I tend to laugh stuff off when they're said, but inside it totally hurts.

ARGH!

Give me a break!

>>rant over<<

I think my idea about depression is different. I think we are weak -- humans i mean. We are vulnerable and challenged with life. I think those who don't want to understand depression, just don't want to admit their own weakness. Its like ppl don't want to believe that there may be this thing beyond your control which wrecks havoc in your life.. I believe it. I see my own weakness or inablility to control my mood. I think its sign of my own humanity though. We all at times have it.

[Pejorative]

Hello, there.

Coming from a fellow depressed, I think it is one, or a combination of the following:

1: Human nature to separate the weak out (E.G. people with physical challenges.)

2: Ignorace: They can't relate, so they categorize the illness as characterisitc flaws.

3: Depressed people tend to complain, or have general negativity towards things. This might trigger insensitivity with others.

I think my second point is possibly the biggest reason. If you have never experienced it, you can never fully understand it.
Don't get hung up too much if people don't understand you. Find the ones that do. For the record: I have little people who truly understand me, too. :-/

[Wants2Fly]

I agree -- there is general ignorance and therefore insensitivity about depression.

[dreamrunner]

I hear ya!
I pour my heart out and Im told to buck up,let it go,move on,lifes what you make it.........makes me feel like a loser,failure.....selfish for wanting to be better.
I dont tell because people think its like a card we pull, an excuse.....not a sickness.
Ignorance hurts and its exactly why I dont disclose to people.
Hang in there.

[Christina86]

((((((((HerOdyssey))))))))))

Welcome to PC

I think you hit a lot of nails on the head - it's the way I feel a lot of the time myself.

[TryingToCope]

I feel the same way most of the time. My husband keeps telling me that I have nothing to be depressed about.

[Wants2Fly]

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TryingToCope said:
I feel the same way most of the time. My husband keeps telling me that I have nothing to be depressed about.

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I understand where he is coming from on that -- and I know that is so not-the-point. A person can have what looks like the best life in the world and still be depressed. Take the late Christina Onassis -- heir to the greatest shipping fortune in the world. She was depressed all of her life and finally "accidentally" OD'd.

Then you can take someone who lives in poverty like Mother Teresa and is apparently, if not happy, joyous about her life and a comfort to others.

Depression is an illness and like all illnesses, it does not ask if we are rich or poor, white or black or green, blessed or cursed. As Mary Fisher in a famous speech about the disease AIDS, depression asks only if we are human.

[HerOdyssey]

I do not categorize being ill as being weak.

Do you live at my house?
I understand completely. I have even had my pdoc call my husband at work because the doc was concerned for my safety. Husband totally clueless.
If it makes you feel better, go ahead and rant. There are people here at PC to listen.

[phillygirl]

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Wants2Fly said:
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TryingToCope said:
I feel the same way most of the time. My husband keeps telling me that I have nothing to be depressed about.

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This is actually a big problem I've always had. And I beat myself over the head with it for years. comparing myself to people who really had something to be upset over and making myself worse because I could never get out of the hole.

My last job was a strange thing. It was a therapeutic riding place and we dealt with everything, mental, physical or emotional difficulties of all kinds. Half my staff had issues with one thing or another. So you'd think this would be an ok place to tell the boss that i was seeing someone for depression.

She was fine at first but a couple months later, we were having a 'discussion' and she said I was plenty old enough, I should just suck it up and get on. And that my 'little wednesday person' needed to talk about something I don't remember now. That really did a number for a couple days! Why on earth, if it was something I could just 'grow out of' wouldn't I have done that years ago?!?! I'm still mad thinking about that one.

And you'd think, with the background of the place, they of all people would understand something like depression! Hell, working there did really bring a lot of it to a head again and got me to go do something about it finally! That just taught me that it's really not safe to talk about that stuff with most folks.

[meander]

I agree with much of what has been said here.

I've been trying to look at it from other people's points of view (I've been having good days recently yay), and I think it must be hard to cope when a friend or a member of your family is always sad, and I think it probably takes a conscious "want" for an outsider to understand that we don't do this on purpose, we don't want it, and we are trying to fight it, but we can't just snap out of it.

The good part is, in my experience, the people that care the most about me (my best friends, my boyfriend and my immediate family) have either made the effort, done some research and figured it out. This has taken about four years, but I think I'm lucky this way. I have been in situations with people who "just don't get it" and it's horrible. I feel for all of you that find this a problem, and if this is fairly new to them, don't give up on them yet.

[Wants2Fly]

I'm so glad, Meander, that your support circle has cared enough to educate themselves. I am sure that you can take some credit for that, too, by providing them with the tools and clues they needed to take your illness seriously and not just a "mood" that you needed to "snap out of it."

[meander]

I'm not sure if it's me or the massive, yet cheesy, mental illness awareness campaign the NZ government is running, with an ex-All Black (our national rugby team who are our local royalty / Hollywood celebrities) admitting to depression and offering tips to getting through it.. Or possibly my friends just play along with it for my sake.

At any rate, I know this would be a lot harder without them, and I really feel for any of you out there that aren't so lucky. There's a definite stigma attached to having a mental illness, and it sucks.

[jefftele]

its a good question, i have many friends who have or have had depression so i surround myself with people who understand and they do help me through a low phase.i have had a tendency to only have friends who have depression or m/h problems i see this now as a big mistake the more open i am to people ,not all as some would exploit this ,but i find having a mental illness has given me great sensistivity so i select folk i want to know ,if they are scared of me thinking they'll catch it then who needs them anyway.!i found the folk ive told are supportive and helpful, but most say they just don't understand it, i think there is a lot of truth in that. the more education is made and the knowledge of how much suffering is involved can more highlight mental illnesses and having mental illness teaches me to be human

today i make an urgent plea to this nation.do not neglect your sick and elderly do not turn away from the handicapped and dying.do not push them to the margins of society.for if you do,you will fail to understand that they represent an important truth.the sick,elderly,the handicapped and the dying teach us that weakness is a creative part of human living,and that suffering can be embraced with no loss of dignity.without the presence of these people in your midst you might be tempted to think of health,strength and power as the only important values to be pursued in life.but the wisdom of christ and the power of christ are to be seen in the weakness of those who share his sufferings ' john paul II

apologies to non believers but i think he hit the nail on the head

[ab1018]

I just got another one of "those" comments tonight. My aunt and I are pretty close...she asked me how I was doing (it's not good - trying to climb out of the dark well of depression). I could tell by her reaction that it was like I have chosen to feel this way or something.

Have any of you had luck in trying to educate your friends/family?

[Carley_]

IM WITH YOU ON THIS ONE!!!
jeeez!!! .. sorry i really have nothing to say exsept
YOUR RIGHT!!! i know how you feel

[Sabrina]

I agree with so much here. One of the hardest things for my husband has been to even try and understand why I am depressed in the first place let alone depression as a whole.

I find many people very ignorant about depression and often the "get over it" and "pick your lip up off the ground" attitude of others hurts more than they realise.

I also cannot bear people who joke disparagingly about depression or suicide.

[Wants2Fly]

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Sabrina0805 said:
I find many people very ignorant about depression and often the "get over it" and "pick your lip up off the ground" attitude of others hurts more than they realise.

I also cannot bear people who joke disparagingly about depression or suicide.

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Here, here. Well said. I guess all we can do is try to see through our pain to the truth that they are ignorant.

from my first husband "it's all in your head", to 2007 and we're still talking about people not understanding mental health issues. it all makes my head hurt.........

it's people here that understand and will listen to each other whine and ***** and be here for us.......IRL, i'm very careful about what i say.......i recently met two new friends who are very understanding. one takes an AD......i can always go by their house and visit in comfort.

i've found that in my family, sisters, if someone in their family "has" it.......all at once, i'm acceptable........like i discovered it or what? and i wanted it?????????? my niece just went ballistic when she found out that my great niece was cutting.......i nearly had a stroke over her reaction.......then i steppped back and realized where it was coming from.......and detached.....