[fletch33]

I am so lost. I feel empty. I hate having these thoughts and they won't go away. I am frustrated with medications. I tire of therapy. I just want things to disappear. Or maybe I just want me to disappear. I wrote a draft of a suicide note to my fiance tonight. I can't deal anymore. I don't want to go to the hospital. Just don't know how to cope anymore.

Any thoughts?

[LeeTheBee]

Originally Posted by fletch33

I am so lost. I feel empty. I hate having these thoughts and they won't go away. I am frustrated with medications. I tire of therapy. I just want things to disappear. Or maybe I just want me to disappear. I wrote a draft of a suicide note to my fiance tonight. I can't deal anymore. I don't want to go to the hospital. Just don't know how to cope anymore.

Any thoughts?

First off... You have a fiancée. Gratz. That right there should be your driving force. You have a positive light right there buddy, realise that. Moods are impossible to control as we are a slave to them, but we can influence changes.

Keep taking meds, keep plodding on. With depression, it sucks but these moods always come in waves. However because of these ups and downs, it won't be long before you are a bit calmer.

Focus on the positives in your life... That may sound stupid or difficult but there is a lot in this world to be grateful for and I'm sure if you put your mind to it, even if it's he littlest thing, you'll see them too.

Hang in there bro. You know suicide is never the answer and only imposew misery and suffering on the loved ones you leave behind. Don't put them into a state of depression. Think about those around you. Be grateful for what you have and that you do have more than others. I wish I had a partner. Loneliness is eating away at me but you have someone there.

You will find meds and a routine one day that will be more effective for you. Don't focus on the now feeling, just remind yourself that this is a phase and your brain is just being stupid. Don't let depression define you.

All the best.


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[Tauren]

Does your fiance know all this? Does your doctor?

[Fizzyo]

[Fuzzybear]

[LeeTheBee]

How you feeling now dude?

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[fletch33]

I still feel pretty crappy. I'm exhausted and my motivation sucks. I'm trying to get by day to day but I'm just so drained. I see my therapist tomorrow. Hopefully that will help.

[fletch33]

Originally Posted by Tauren

Does your fiance know all this? Does your doctor?

I told my fiance everything. He's taking measures to keep me safe. In the meantime, I see my therapist tomorrow and my pdoc changed my Abilify dose so hopefully that will start helping soon.

[LeeTheBee]

Originally Posted by fletch33

I told my fiance everything. He's taking measures to keep me safe. In the meantime, I see my therapist tomorrow and my pdoc changed my Abilify dose so hopefully that will start helping soon.

Hang in there. You're doing the right thing and I'm glad you got folks helping. Good luck with the new doses.

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[fletch33]

Originally Posted by LeeTheBee

Hang in there. You're doing the right thing and I'm glad you got folks helping. Good luck with the new doses.

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I feel better than I did. My meds are starting to kick in. Thanks for the encouragement.