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#1
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Hey, People:
I am a newbie and this is my first post of the depression section of PC forums. I hope to learn and share my experience. I was wondering if there was such a thing as depression mixed with elements of psychosis. Let me explain. A psychotic depression results from trying to rationalize the extreme nature of the experience. In my case, it felt like I had descended into a living hell where I was being punished by God. Rather than associate it with a biological cause, it felt like it was a spiritual torment. When I would sign my name it was like it wasnt me- a total breakdown of identity. Thoughts of death tormented me and cigarettes and coffee were my only comfort. What made it worse is after 10 months of agony and fear I would awake for it all to be gone. My first laugh in moths was like a sigh of relief. Then I would think that the curse had been lifted and I had passed some initiation from God and "he" would never let it return again. I was so wrong about the nature and cause of this ailment. It was only bad reasoning. The problem with this thinking is you dont believe there is any scientific answers or help. In the movies, when a curse is lifted it never returns, but, of course, it wasnt a curse. Thanks |
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#2
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Hi cloudsurfer,
I don't know anything about psychotic depression, but I'm very, very sorry to hear all the anguish you're going through. I really hope you get support here, people here have helped me through some dark times and I hope you find encouragement too. ![]() ![]() ![]() |
#3
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#4
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It's interesting that you had a "religious based psychotic episode" because I, too, had one recently that lasted a little over three months. I was convinced that I had died and that I was in purgatory. But I had to act like I wasn't because I was going to be judged on my time – and I had no idea how long that would be – spent "here." And purgatory was a sort of replica of earthly reality. Now I'm Roman Catholic and I DO believe that if you die in a state of grace (which I'm in right now) that your soul will have a stay in purgatory before going on to heaven. Like heaven and hell, I don't know what any of these are like, etc. But I talked to my doctor and realized that I was delusional. I'm still having psychotic episodes – some that I realize are not "real" and some that I'm unsure of. I have five different people that I can call to help me determine if I'm delusional or not. 3-4 weeks ago I thought that I heard on the radio (I don't have any radios but I hear them a lot) that Queen Elizabeth had died. She HAD been in the news (and I must have read it on my iPad) that she was the longest reigning British monarch. It's great to have people that you can call that will let you know if you're delusional or not. I don't see if you've posted your location but not having the money or the time to see some kind of mental health professional is not an excuse any longer. There are state and federal programs, county and city based programs to offer help. Just Google "MDD with psychotic features" and you'll be overloaded with information. |
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