Thinking about the future and my place in life.

Whenever I think about what it may be like with the future, and when I analyze my current situation, I cannot help to feel a well of hopelessness, despair and meaningless. Ever since what has happened to me in my past, I feel like I'm just so broken and unfix able. I feel as through as I cannot go this way with life and any alternative that I have tried always ended in failure. I am being as straight with myself as I possibly can, and I do not harbor any positive delusions about myself: I'm a complete failure, I have no life nor anyone I can connect to besides my family, and even then they still don't understand, no useful skills to exploit, and I cannot learn effectively as nearly all people take for granted. I'm simply just 'there', not living, not feeling. I am only alive for my mother's benefit, she knows that If I kill myself, it is one less potential form of income for her. I really don't feel like I am apart of this world at all, just seeing how so many people are so better off than I am, mentally and physically. They don't have to deal with crippling mental illnesses that prevents them from functioning. They don't feel things like I do, and they certainly have more success going for them and I do. I'm just wasting resources as I live, and it is nothing more than a pathetic waste and excuse.

Your post made me very sad and it really hit home... *hugs*

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ahhh i've been there... I feel for you hon.

Hi,
I feel for you, I have been there so many times. I do not understand when you say you are a source of income for your mom. You do not need to explain it to me if you do not like. I am sending you a hug

im also sending you a big hug too. i think you are stuck in a rut right now, things can only get better it sounds as you are at rock bottom and all you can do is look and go up from here. do you have a hobbie or play computer games. i hope and pray for you that you can get the help you need. see a doc and t would help greatly, my son went through this and is still going through this too. i feel like i can't help him he has to help himself first. please try to get some help i'm sure your mom does care for you, she just has her own problems to address. good luck

I feel that way much of the time. Here's hoping for better days ahead for both of us!

Hi Depressed,

If you can feel and breathe the crisp Fall NYC air, if you can see, hear, smell and touch everything, if you have clean water to drink, wonderful food to eat, people to be around, if you can feel your body moving, if you can feel your mind working, if you have friends and family, if you can go to the top of the Empire State Building anytime you want



if you have access to all of human knowledge at your fingertips, these are the things that matter. You probably already have everything important. Ice cream does not taste better to Steve Jobs than to you.

- vital

I often feel the same way. I can't offer any advice, just commiseration.

*internet hug*

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate the support.

When I had a job before, my mom made it adamant that I was supposed to give money to her each paycheck, despite what I was making was not enough to be substantial. Although she said that the money was for 'bills', I once gave her $200 and she completely and foolishly wasted it on things that we did not need. That stuck with me for a very long time, but I realize that as long that I am in her house, I am simply just some sort of bank for her.

Thanks a lot for the explanation.
I think you said you do not have a job right now. I think this is something very depressing.

Yes, I am not employed right now. It all just serves to add on about just how badly it is and how devoid of hope I see in this world.