[Beautiful-Demons]

2190 days. 72 months. Six years.

I've been single for six years. Over half a decade. No dates. No relationships. No interest. Is it me?

I suffer from depression, and been on medication for about 8 years. It used to be bad. Real bad. So much so that my then girlfriend made an ultimatum. Get help or lose her. I got help. I still lost her.

I've made a lot of progress. I've bought my own flat. I've got a good job in London. But I struggle to connect with people. I'm not close with family. Most of my friends have forgotten about me as they have kids or family. Any girl I like, or show an interest in, isn't interested.

Ive really tried to be a positive person. Ive been trying to complete my bucket list, help other people, be supportive and develop my career and education.

Ive made great progress in moving my life forward, despite being constantly tired all the time. I sleep about 10 hours a night. I sleep most weekends, almost all day.

And yet, although I know I don't need someone else to be happy, I do. No matter what, I'm always alone. And I don't know what to do. It drags me down. Down into the dark. I've spent countless hours looking into a mirror, wondering what's wrong with me. Is there something that I can't see? Do I have an illness?

I've recently thought about ending it again. Nothing serious - just flashes in my head, like I used to get. Temptations while standing on a train platform. Accidentally hurting myself while cooking. But I've learned over the years to stop myself.

It's been a hard year. My sister was diagnosed with kidney failure. My dad had a heart op. My 18 year old cat is now really unwell and could be kidney related too.

I want to change. I want to be happy. But nothing ever changes. Even when I have positive weeks and months, nothing changes.

What do I do. It's cliche but my heart and chest weigh heavy. I don't want to die alone. I wanted to have kids and a family by 30, but that's not going to happen now.

"They say that when you talk to God, it's a prayer... but when God talks to you, it's schizophrenia" (X-Files)

[RessurectMe]

How old are you mate?

FWIW, I met my wife when I was 30. We have a beautiful 5 year old daughter.

With a good job and a place of your own you are already in good shape. Just hang on and believe - all it takes is meeting one person that is right for you, and it could happen when you least expect it.

[Beautiful-Demons]

I'm 28, almost 29. In my head, that's old and given my track record, I can't see that changing anytime soon.
That's really sweet. Where did you meet her? I'm really happy for you.

"They say that when you talk to God, it's a prayer... but when God talks to you, it's schizophrenia" (X-Files)

[Fizzyo]

[vital]

Originally Posted by Beautiful-Demons

2190 days. 72 months. Six years.

I've been single for six years. Over half a decade. No dates. No relationships. No interest. Is it me?

I suffer from depression, and been on medication for about 8 years. It used to be bad. Real bad. So much so that my then girlfriend made an ultimatum. Get help or lose her. I got help. I still lost her.

I've made a lot of progress. I've bought my own flat. I've got a good job in London. But I struggle to connect with people. I'm not close with family. Most of my friends have forgotten about me as they have kids or family. Any girl I like, or show an interest in, isn't interested.

Ive really tried to be a positive person. Ive been trying to complete my bucket list, help other people, be supportive and develop my career and education.

Ive made great progress in moving my life forward, despite being constantly tired all the time. I sleep about 10 hours a night. I sleep most weekends, almost all day.

And yet, although I know I don't need someone else to be happy, I do. No matter what, I'm always alone. And I don't know what to do. It drags me down. Down into the dark. I've spent countless hours looking into a mirror, wondering what's wrong with me. Is there something that I can't see? Do I have an illness?

I've recently thought about ending it again. Nothing serious - just flashes in my head, like I used to get. Temptations while standing on a train platform. Accidentally hurting myself while cooking. But I've learned over the years to stop myself.

It's been a hard year. My sister was diagnosed with kidney failure. My dad had a heart op. My 18 year old cat is now really unwell and could be kidney related too.

I want to change. I want to be happy. But nothing ever changes. Even when I have positive weeks and months, nothing changes.

What do I do. It's cliche but my heart and chest weigh heavy. I don't want to die alone. I wanted to have kids and a family by 30, but that's not going to happen now.

"They say that when you talk to God, it's a prayer... but when God talks to you, it's schizophrenia" (X-Files)

Hi beautiful,

Wanting to change and wanting to be happy are already very good signs. Have a look at these notes

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

and this plan

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

It is possible

- vital

[RessurectMe]

Beautiful-Demons - To answer your question, I met my wife at a bar and we were introduced through a mutual friend.

[Fizzyo]

❤️

[Blues47]

I went on Match last year and found that when your goal in life is to die it's hard to make a good impression.

[goku23]

haven't had a girlfriend since 17, am 26 now.
my social anxiety prevents me from going out or talking to anyone.
haven't made a new friend in many years and have pretty much lost contact with the few friends i had.

my life = work and gym.
empty but at least there's those two things i guess.

[lavendersage]

What about volunteering? Gives you the opportunity to help others less fortunate in some fashion and puts you in the company of other like-minded (I.e. altruistic) people.

Some people swear by getting involved in a local church. No matter what your religious bent, unless you go to one of those hellfire and brimstone scare the shyte out of you places, any church I've ever attended imparts a feeling of peace and calm to me. You don't have to have a grain of actual "belief". I just think being in community with people who want peace, absolution, redemption, an uplift - whatever - is of itself comforting. Try it.

There's meetup.com, too. Look in to that.

Lastly, there are depression support groups all over the world. The US has NAMI and DBSA. I'm sure the UK has something comparable.

Don't stay isolated from people. Find ways to get out and be with people. Loneliness kills. It almost did me. Good luck.

[Beautiful-Demons]

Thanks to everyone who replied.
Blues47, I certainly wouldn't say my goal is to die, but it's got to a point where I'm really struggling to find a positive.
Goku23, not too dissimilar from me. I used to think I could cope, and work would be enough, but it's not.
Lavendersage, volunteering is a good idea, but I just don't seem to have the time. I'll definitely look into it, but work and sleep dominate these days.

"They say that when you talk to God, it's a prayer... but when God talks to you, it's schizophrenia" (X-Files)